Jumbled Protocol
by Oh-no-she-di'ent
Summary: What if forgiveness wasn't an issue? LL, complete. Season 7, AU. I know, I know...just click
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: i own zilch_

_**THIS IS UNLIKE MY OTHER FICS**_.

I made this little pre-chapter post b/c I really wanted to warn all the javajunkies. I've only written pre-S6 stuff and I know that's what ppl have come to expect.

This takes place in season 7, and it's _filled _with angst. Considering everything else I've written, the angst stands out very much.

I've been working on this since August--stopping and starting--w/ no clue as to whether I'd post it or not. I finally decided to when inspiration came out of nowhere and I was able to finish the story. **It's complete**. It's LONG, and I still have beef w/ chapters, so I just used one.

**About the plot:** This story starts off re-capping what we saw from Lorelai's first foot back in the diner to karaoke night. It leads to the actual _fiction_ part. It's pretty clear when it kicks in. Now, this story doesn't focus on _apologies_. I'll go ahead and say that there ARE apologies, but that's a very small part. For this story, I just used the show's sorry version of a make-up, placing L/L in the 'comfortable' place we saw them in on TV. I think that's the main thing that makes this story different from everything else you may have read. In reading post season 6 material, there is one plot that I never saw. I saw it _touched _on, but no one did anything with it (that I know of). I don't think that anyone wanted to explore this as a possibility. And I could definitely understand why. However, when I get an idea, it's pretty much there until I do something with it. And I had this idea since last year, so I gave it ample time to disappear. It was stubborn.

No one is doing anything crazy or ridiculously out of character, so don't let the vagueness scare you away, lol.

While the angst in this is _off the charts_, I do believe in happy endings. Keep that in mind throughout. And it is my opinion that everything that is liked about my other stories is present in this one. That may be hard to believe at first, lol. But trust me.

Whew. Okay, I think you guys have been properly warned. It's not my intention to scare anyone off, and I hope I didn't because I think it'll really be worth it to read. --Says the author. LOL. Seriously, though, it may be a little much to take at _one point in particular_, so I HAD to throw a warning on here for all my beloved LL fans.

If you choose to do so, then please click bottom right and continue through... Ooh, and u may want to grab a cpl tissues, lol. I am selling the hell outta this story right now, I know. :-D

_**+++JUMBLED PROTOCOL+++**_


	2. Chapter 2

Hehehe. Decided to read, eh? Good decision. Enjoy!

**Jumbled Protocol**

It had been hard. It had been one of the hardest things that she had ever done in her life. But she had done it. After ten months and eleven days, Lorelai had stepped foot into _Luke's_ diner again.

And it was weird. And uncomfortable. She regretted it instantly.

She had gone to bed the night before, her mind set. She would go to _Luke's_. She had woken up, showered and prepared for work, her mind still set. She was going to _Luke's_. Walking toward the diner, she sped through different scenarios. In one, she would walk inside, and it'd instantly be as if nothing had changed. She'd walk up to the counter, ask Luke for a cup of joe, and he would proceed to make up for ten months of having no input on her coffee drinking. He'd scold her for hours on end. Her internal clock was one built on exaggeration.

In another, she'd walk inside, and there would be silence, then smiles from the townies. Whispering would follow...but it would be good whispering. About how radiant she looked and how brave she was to initiate this. She would look to Luke and see him with that special hidden smirk that he had perfected so long ago. She'd walk to the counter, and they'd be locked in each other's gaze, both happy that the foundation of their friendship was about to begin anew. History would be in those gazes. An intimate history. And remembrances of specific points in that history would be on display as well. No matter how much they didn't want it to be.

In another, she'd walk inside, and there would be a little discomfort, but she'd crack a joke. Somehow manage to turn the pain of the last year into a victim of her wit and comedic genius. Everyone would laugh. _'Oh, that Lorelai Gilmore. What a hoot,' _they would all say. She'd walk up to find Luke a little stiff, reluctant to follow in their laughter. But she'd look at him and smile. She'd begin to ramble on and on about how he was never able to appreciate good humor. He'd roll his eyes, and she'd be able to see it coming, so she'd push a little more, talk a little faster. Then, finally he'd say it. He'd tell her in no uncertain terms to _shut up_. And her world would zoom back to normal.

There were many more scenarios on top of this. Some were fairy tales. Ones she knew would never happen. And others were real and foreseeable. But apparently, even those had too much of the fairy tale residue in them. Because she never imagined that she would feel as stupid as she did when she walked inside of the diner that day.

But she still sat down. Decided to roast in that stupidity.

She felt as if she didn't belong there. At that moment, if she had an option of teleporting herself to an underground storm room with her mother, she would have. She would have stood up and clicked her heels or pushed that button or used her last Troll given wish. Whatever it took. Yes. Because in that moment, Emily was a better alternative.

But she had made it through okay. At least she had convinced herself of this. And she had even managed to get a free cup of coffee. Score!

But she and Luke still were extremely uncomfortable with one another. And she couldn't just accept that as her new reality. It contrasted too much with her everyday life. The one she was determined to go back to since her split with Christopher. The one that she should have never left in the first place.

No ideas came to her of how to get her and Luke back on track. Until. Fate intervened, and Lorelai's jeep broke down. She needed a new car, and Luke's expertise was just what she needed. Luke being Luke, he gave of this expertise without question. And after a few bumps and scratches, car shopping together proved to be the bonding glue that their severed relationship needed. It worked like a charm.

Weeks passed, and they relied on that car shopping experience to bend and break the thick strains that had been formed.

And it did. For the most part.

The banter was back. Genuinely back.

Lorelai gave him advice on April. And...he actually listened.

He started back wearing the hat she had given him years ago. So, she showed her appreciation of this by inviting him to a town event that, a year ago, she would have dragged him to. Karaoke night.

And lo and behold, he actually showed up to it. Lorelai was on the stage. Tipsy and holding absolutely no qualms about her innermost feelings. She'd been singing to Rory. Her precious sweet, grew up too, too fast daughter, Rory. _'I will always love you,'_ she belted out. Goofily. But meant every word.

When Luke entered, the song hadn't ended. Her eyes followed him to the bar, her heart racing wildly. She still had words to sing. She couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him. This was Rory's song, and she had suddenly forgotten that Rory was in the room. That anybody was in the room. Except him. And he was there. And he was Luke. And the words still had to be sung. So, she began to sing them to him.

Her laughter disappeared. The wild hand gestures went away. She had her eyes locked on Luke, and she was telling him unguardedly...that she would _always _love him. Her drunken mind started to soberly process this as she sang, and her voice got confidant as she committed herself wholly to the words. To the feeling that told her that _this _was home.

And he stood there. And he listened. He looked at her just as intensely as she looked at him.

And she sang and sang.

The song ended, and she still looked to him. She offered him a tiny shrug. Almost as if saying, _'well, now you know'. _And she ran off stage.

Luke smiled. He didn't dwell on the meaning of what had taken place. It was obvious that she was drunk, and without a second thought, this is what he chalked it up to. He couldn't afford to do otherwise.

The next day, Lorelai entered Luke's and upon being questioned by Miss Patty and Babbette, she blew off her obvious serenade to Luke from the night before. She had been drunk, and that was to blame. Luke entered the diner at that exact moment of reveal, and Lorelai only knew of his sudden arrival when she heard him chuckle. "Yeah, I've seen her do much worse during intoxication," he chimed in and winked at her.

Lorelai looked up to him, smiling. Both Miss Patty and Babbette laughed on in the background. She stared at him as he cleaned. She had told Sookie that she would test her feelings, and that was what she was doing. He looked the same. She realized instantly that the attraction was still there.

It didn't take long for her to figure out that something deeper was still there for her. A whole lot of something. She could definitely work off of this.

Lorelai didn't want to rush anything. She felt they had time. They would talk. She would talk about the position she was in and tell him how she still felt about him. What being on stage helped her to see. They hadn't gotten in depth with what went wrong in their relationship, but eventually they would do this, and she would explain how she felt and get him to see things as she saw them. She hoped that would help him to understand the choices she made. She would explain how all those months with Christopher felt versus all the time she and he had spent together. But ultimately, after sitting in the diner and conversing with him and looking at him for almost an hour that morning, Lorelai had begun to think that progress could be made. And they could be a couple again. Eventually.

This was something that she wanted, and she was prepared to take the appropriate steps and make it happen.

The day was Wednesday. Not yet Friday, and therefore, not quite the day where her presence in Hartford was normal. But her craving for crab patties went far beyond anything Al could drum up in his world of pancakes. She'd tasted them only once, but her taste buds had stored the memory of one restaurant's expert preparation of those wonders. She'd been there a time or two with Max. And after calling in a large order of them, she drove up to Hartford for retrieval.

She pulled quickly up to the curb and began searching inside her purse for money. She realized she probably should have checked this before getting to the restaurant, but it was already too late for that.

The large SUV pulled away from its parallel park in front of where she still sat in her jeep. Suddenly spotting a twenty, she grabbed it and held it up in triumph. Victory was hers. She tossed her purse to the passenger seat and grasped the door handle as she got ready to exit her jeep. Just as she did this, she looked out of the windshield. And she froze.

Walking across the street, hand-in-hand was Luke and some unknown female companion. They were coming from another restaurant, one different than the one she was headed to. Her eyes moved with them. The lady's lips were moving, and Luke was laughing. Their hands were lightly linked. The link that showed familiarity. The one that said that the act had been done countless times.

The comfort that he displayed with this woman made her study them even harder. This couldn't be right.

Luke's truck was parked two spaces in front of her. The SUV that was no longer there had kept her from seeing this when she pulled up.

They made it to the passenger side of his truck, and his hand went to her side as he opened the door for her. She said something. And he laughed. Again. Then, she climbed inside. Luke shut her door. Lorelai guessed that the woman must have quickly rolled down the window as she saw her arm reach out and pull on Luke's collar. She saw him smile, then laugh. _Again_. And he approached the door and stuck his head inside for a few seconds.

Lorelai saw through his back window that their lips were connected. Her heart raced.

Luke stepped away, playfully swatting the woman's reaching hand. There was more laughter before he walked around the front of his truck. He got to the driver's side and lifted his head just as he got ready to open the door.

He spotted her. Lorelai. His eyes went straight to hers as if it had been staged.

His eyes were wide for only a second before his hand rose slowly, and he offered a hesitant wave. Lorelai blinked, then her eyes fell. She didn't look up for a very long time, but when she did, there was another vehicle parked where Luke's truck had been.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_May 2_

After Lorelai had noticed his departure, she'd gotten out of her car and had gotten her food.

At home, as she lay on her couch, the food sat cold and untouched on her kitchen counter. Her appetite had gone away, unfortunately.

Her mind was on Luke and the unidentified woman. Then, on herself and her ex-husband. Christopher. She would go back and forth between the two pairings as she stared at the ceiling. She didn't like what she had seen. This was obvious to her. But every time she felt herself obsessing too much about it, she'd remember her relationship with Christopher, and a tiny bit of perspective would be gained.

The perspective wouldn't last long, though.

When she was with Christopher, she battled with herself daily. She did not, under any circumstances, want to think about Luke. And for the most part, in the beginning, it was a battle that she won. She focused on Christopher. _He _was her husband, and _he _was the one she'd chosen to spend the rest of her life with, so she reminded herself of this every single day. Because as sad as it was, she had to do this in order not to mess up what she had. A husband. Finally.

Since she never thought about Luke, the thought never crossed her mind that he would go out and get a life as well. Having to see him with someone else was no picnic for her. All she had seen was him holding this woman's hand and a small kiss that didn't look _too _involved. But immediately, her mind went to them being physically intimate and him touching the woman the way he used to touch her. And her heart constricted.

That most certainly was not supposed to happen. Seeing Luke with someone else was not in the game plan. She never anticipated seeing it, and she was almost upset with him for choosing intimacy with another. Of course, she'd been intimate many times with Chris. But this was Luke. After he and Rachel broke up, he hadn't been with anyone else for years. She knew this. And subconsciously, she thought that the same thing would happen after their break-up. He'd isolate himself, almost put himself on pause, until she had the good sense to deal with her past. Deal with him. Appropriately.

Hours ago--_just hours ago_--she had admitted to herself that she wanted to try again with Luke. She was ready. She was ready to stop fighting what her heart wanted, and she was ready to put in the effort it would take to be whole again. She had just started to think about him in that way again. She had just begun to allow her mind to revisit the mistakes they both made in the relationship. Her divorce from Christopher had snapped her out of denial. And she was ready.

But what bad timing. Because apparently he wasn't.

Lorelai wondered how long he had been seeing the woman. She would guess...two months, maybe three...just based on Luke's comfort level with her. As she pondered this, she felt a tear roll down her cheek, then another. She couldn't think of him being with anyone else. She was suddenly very knowledgeable of the pain that that brought with it. She wiped her cheeks continuously as silent tears continued to stream. Then, there was laughter from her.

She laughed at herself. She felt so bad for this woman on this couch. This stupid, selfish woman. A woman who had left her fiancé in the middle of the street and had gone straight into the arms and the bed of another. That same night. The only time between the two acts was the time it took to drive to her destination.

And she had married that other. Had brought that other into the home that was renovated for her and her fiancé and had christened it thoroughly _with_ that other. Then, on the eve of her divorce, she couldn't take seeing her ex-fiancé holding someone's hand.

Oh, the woman must have been a sight.

But as her laughter died down, there were still tears. Lots and lots of tears.

For the very first time since the end of their engagement, Lorelai allowed herself to grieve over Luke.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_May 3_

The phone awakened Lorelai. Her eyes shot open, and she could tell they were swollen immediately. She fumbled for the cordless phone on the coffee table and brought it to her ear.

"Hello," she answered hoarsely.

"Hey, Honey, you comin' in today?" Sookie asked. Lorelai could hear pots banging in the background.

"Uh, yeah, what time is it?" She asked as she sat up. She was still on the couch, and she wasn't aware that she had slept for over ten hours.

"It's after eight." Sookie paused. "Are you okay? You sound..." She gestured with her hand as if Lorelai could see her.

"I'm fine, Sookie. I'll be in in about an hour, okay?"

"You sure you're okay?"

Lorelai nodded. Lied. "Yeah, Honey. I'm sure."

They said their goodbyes and hung up from each other.

She dragged herself off of the couch. Went up the stairs and into the bathroom. There, she took a shower and started getting ready for work. Her mind was on Luke. She wanted to cry. She had cried nonstop until she fell asleep, but still, she wanted to cry. But she didn't. She finished preparation, put final touches on her make-up. Her mind still on Luke.

True to her word, she was at the inn in just under an hour.

Michel greeted her dryly, and she did the same.

Sookie was in the kitchen when she got in there. Lorelai walked over, pulled down a mug, and filled it with coffee.

"Sorry I'm late, Sook. Had a long night."

Sookie wiped her hands on her apron. "It's okay. As long as you're here. You know I can't handle Michel by myself."

Lorelai smiled. Took a sip of coffee. Then, she stared down at the floor as if she'd entered her own world.

"Lorelai, you don't look well. Is something wrong?" Sookie asked.

She shook her head instantly but then stopped and looked into Sookie's face. "Can I talk to you outside?" She asked as she set her mug down and headed for the back door.

"Uh, sure," Sookie said as she followed her out. As soon as the door clicked shut, Lorelai stepped closer to her.

"Did you know that Luke was seeing someone?"

Sookie's expression answered before she did. "No. Who's he seeing?" She asked shocked.

Lorelai backed up, sighed. Her hand went to her eye as she rubbed it exhaustedly. "I don't know, Sook. I saw him last night in Hartford with some lady." She shrugged. "It looked pretty advanced. The relationship."

Sookie's face showed doubt. "Are you sure? It probably was a casual--"

"He kissed her...in public."

Her eyebrows rose. "Okay, then. Never mind." Lorelai paced. Sookie watched. "And this is bothering you," she said slowly as she read her movements. She didn't expect her to answer straight out. It had been a very long time since she was honest about her feelings for Luke.

"Of course it's bothering me," she said.

Sookie smiled. Definite progress. "Well, at least you recognize it. So, I take it, you've gotten the confirmation you were needing about your feelings." Lorelai nodded subtly as she continued to pace. "Good. Then, I say you tell him. If Luke is seeing this woman, it hasn't been very long. I'd say, two months tops. Babbette has mentioned that he's been kind of scarce in the diner the last couple months, but no one really thought anything of it." Lorelai nodded again. "So, if you tell him you want to try again, he'll take you up on it."

Lorelai stopped and looked at her as her thoughts swam. Sookie continued. "You're his _Lorelai_. No one can compare to you in his mind, Honey."

Sookie's words started making sense to her. All she had to do was talk to him, and they could get back on track. She continued to look at Sookie. Tears formed in her eyes. "This hurts, Sookie." She paused, looked down as the water fell onto her cheeks. "I mean, this _really _hurts."

Sookie's eyes watered in response to Lorelai's tearful admission. "I know, Honey." She walked over and hugged her tightly. "I know." Lorelai's chin rested on her shoulder as she closed her eyes. Sookie smiled sadly. "But at least you're starting to feel. This is good, Lorelai. This is going to work out." Watching her with Christopher was painful. She wasn't herself. Sookie felt like she was looking at a robot. Day in, day out. Listening to Lorelai talk with her head, mistaking it for her heart. Trying to _justify _her choices. It was painful. Sad. And all she could do was to try to be supportive.

"We've lost so much time," Lorelai said quietly.

"And you have so much time to make up for it," Sookie said softly. "You just need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel."

Lorelai got those tears to go away. And more formed. She started to relive her life over the last year. And she wondered what had possibly allowed her to get through that year without feeling an ounce of how she felt now. Not one tiny ounce. Like her feelings had been put on emotional layaway.

Well, one thing was for sure, she was paying for it now.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_...May 3_

Lorelai made it home that night and spent the first fifteen minutes on the phone with Rory. She spoke to her as she walked around getting herself ready to relax for the night. Her day had been long in activity, but it seemed extra long as she seemed to think only of Luke. Moving on. From her.

She hated to think of how she hadn't even worried about him being with someone else. As if he would only want and long for her. Naïve and self-centered couldn't even begin to describe how she now felt about herself. It would be different if she, herself, had sat in isolation after their split. Then, it'd be okay for her to expect the same from him. But she hadn't. She had had sex with Christopher hours after breaking up with Luke, started dating Christopher days after breaking up with Luke, and got married a few short months after breaking up with him.

When had her life turned into a bad talk show?

Lorelai made it through the conversation with her daughter without arousing suspicion of her new melancholy. The mood that lazily clung to the back of her like a dead corpse. Very appropriate.

She sat on her couch with a sigh and opened her container of Chinese food. After mixing it around with her fork a few times, she took a bite and set the plate down on the coffee table. She brought her knees to her chest and looked above the TV to the wall. The holes were still there where Christopher had mounted a plasma screen high def. Ugly, unnecessary, permanent holes.

But they could always be covered up or filled in, she supposed.

She sighed and laid down. She felt like she was just waking up from a coma to find her life in shambles. Everything out of place and tampered with.

And in the midst of the tampering, Luke had found someone else. But that had lots of potential of being a temporary situation. If he felt anything like she felt now, their reunion would be inevitable. Contemplating what Sookie had said to her, she wondered how she would approach Luke to discuss the topic of _them_.

He had to consider it. He just had to.

As she lay thinking, her phone rang out. She answered.

"Hello," she said.

"Hey. Lorelai…it's Luke."

Like she didn't know that. She could identify many _physical _attributes of his from a line-up of many. But his voice? That didn't even need talent.

She sat up. "Hey, uh…" She looked over at the clock. A quarter past ten. "…Luke. Um, how are you?" She asked. She smiled.

"I'm doing okay. What about you?" His voice was so wonderfully familiar to her.

She shrugged. "I'm still alive," she declared jokingly. "Can't complain too much."

Luke chuckled a little, and it made her smile.

"Listen," he began, "I didn't mean to call you so late, but I'd been calling, and I guess you were still out."

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah, I've been spending a lot of time at the inn," she explained.

"Everything's going okay with that?" He asked.

"Yeah." She winked. "Something tells me you made a good investment all those years ago."

"Well, when you see a sure thing, you go for it," he replied lightly.

Lorelai wondered if he was flirting. Because all she needed was a small thumbs up, and she'd jump in head first. She shrugged. "Well, thank you...for going for it. It was definitely appreciated." Subtle flirt. Could have many meanings.

Luke paid it very little attention. Moved past it easily. "Hey, Lorelai, I...uh, hadn't seen you since last night, so I just wanted to talk to you to make sure that you were okay."

She smiled nervously. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I j-just saw that you were a little...you know," he said knowingly. Of course she knew. She was shocked. Hurt. And apparently, her face displayed this. Her lack of a return wave confirmed it. Luke ended by saying, "I just wanted to check on you." He said this in a soft voice, as if trying to cause her as little embarrassment as he could.

Lorelai felt tears welling up. Who would do that? Who would phone up an ex to make sure that their feelings were not bruised when they saw you with a new woman? Who in the hell _did_ stuff like that? It seemed with each new hour, Lorelai felt new reasons for feeling bad about the last year. Being with the wrong guy. And Luke called and just unknowingly started rubbing salt in the exposed wound.

He was no longer hers. He had slipped through her fingers almost a year ago, but she was just beginning to feel the pain as if it were brand new. She hadn't felt this way since their first break-up. One that paled in comparison to their last. And she was just starting to feel it. Year. Old. Pain.

Flashbacks came to her of their first break-up. How she had called and begged him to come and sit with her, take away her pain.

"Luke." She called his name shyly.

"Yeah," he answered instantly. There was silence. "Lorelai? What's wrong?"

She swallowed. "Nothing's wrong. I wa--can you come over? I just want to talk to you."

There was a pause. He was actually headed over to Elena's house. He already had a small bag packed to take with him. "Well, I--"

"Oh, you know--we don't have to meet over here--I can come over there or we can just talk in the gazebo--or we can drive to New York and talk in Central Park if you want to--I didn't mean you had to come over to..." Her voice drifted away.

Luke picked up on her meaning. He waved his hand. "No, that's not..." He shrugged. "I don't care about that--I just--" He released a breath. "I'll be there in twenty minutes, okay? Just let me finish locking up."

Lorelai looked around her house. Her and Christopher's shared space. Her and Luke's shared space so soon before. She sighed. "Okay. Twenty minutes is perfect. Thanks, Luke."

"No problem. See you in a few."

She nodded like he could see.

He hung the phone up before she did, and she listened to his dial tone for a few seconds longer.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_...May 3_

Lorelai realized that some things never changed. Luke was right on time. Exactly twenty minutes after hanging up from him, there was a knock on her front door.

She walked over quickly and pulled it open. "Hey, come in."

Luke smiled at her and walked into her house for the first time that calendar year. His hands lightly patted his sides as he looked around. "Looks different," he commented as he turned back to her, still with a pleasant disposition.

Lorelai closed the door and glanced at him before looking briefly around. "Yeah." She cleared her throat. "I changed some things around." She shrugged nervously.

His smile widened as he looked at her. "Well, it's still you." She looked at him for a longer moment, her eyes on his. His eyebrows rose quickly, and he pointed to the sitting area. "Can I, uh--"

"Yeah, of course, sit." She followed him over as she shook her head.

So much could change in a year.

Lorelai expected him to sit on the couch, but he walked around it and sat in the recliner chair. He leaned on his knees and clasped his hands. Lorelai sat close to the end of the couch, a short distance away from him.

"So..." Luke said as he looked to her.

Lorelai tucked her hair behind her ears nervously, then smiled at him. "I'm sorry about dragging you over here this late."

"Don't worry about it. It's okay."

Lorelai nodded, swallowed.

She knew there was no one way to start saying what she had to say. "Luke, I know we've done the whole apology thing." She chuckled. "Or we hit the basics." She paused. "And I'm happy that we've re-established some of our friendship. I'm _really _happy about that," she said honestly.

Luke nodded, still curious of where she was going.

"But...what I've been thinking lately is..." Her hands started to shake so she pressed them together in front of her. "...I've been thinking that maybe we could really open up to each other. I mean, I want to lay all topics on the table...and discuss them." She looked at the coffee table as her hypothetical table. "I think that that would help us to really grow closer in that, uh, friendship..." Lump after lump began to form in her throat. "...And after a while, I was hoping that we could consider...being an _us _a-again." Water formed in her eyes.

Luke's expression was neutral. He wondered why she was getting ready to cry. He looked down. Just as he got ready to respond, she continued, a large tremble accompanying each word.

"I really didn't plan on crying here," she said as she wiped away tears that had fallen. "I guess it's just one of those things that you have to factor in. Like rain. Even if it's eighty degrees out, blue skies all around, you still have to pack an umbrella. Just in case." She laughed. "I don't know how I could have prepared for this though. But I should have expected it a little more. Since it's all I've been doing lately."

She looked at him. Sadly. She still smiled though. She could feel something coming from him. A feeling. One that she didn't particularly want to feel. And she suddenly wished that she didn't know him so well. At least that way, she could have held out hope a little longer. Been ignorant just a little bit longer. She wanted to continue to talk about nothing. Delay the inevitable.

"Lorelai..." He was serious, apologetic.

She smiled wider. Got sadder. "Luke," she whispered. More tears fell. "Please don't."

He shook his head. "I'm not trying to--"

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I apologized about Christopher. And I'm sorry I hurt you. I am, Luke. That's one of the main things that we can discuss. No holds barred. I-I just n-need you to consider this. I don't expect things to be back by tomorrow. I know it'll take time, but can you please..." She took a moment and dried her face. It was covered in wetness.

Luke closed his eyes tightly as if he was getting a migraine. "Lorelai, where is this coming from?" He asked confusedly.

She leaned up in the chair. "It's coming from me, Luke. It's coming from here," she said as she put her hand over her heart.

He sat back, and his hand went to his head. "No, I mean, why now? It's been so lon--I just don't underst--" He sighed exhaustedly, his eyes still squinted in confusion. He looked at Lorelai. The look she had on her face pained him deeply. He looked away, let his thoughts wander. It took a few seconds, but he soon looked back at her, his mind asking the question before his mouth did. "Is this about Elena?" He asked as if that couldn't possibly be it.

"Elena?" She repeated quietly.

He nodded. "That's who I was--that's who you saw me with last night."

Lorelai shook her head slowly. "Luke, I don't care about her. I care about you. I want us back. I think it's worth it to...try to get us back."

He seemed to get frustrated. "Lorelai, _where _is this coming from? Did you feel like this the whole time? Because it..." He shrugged, "...really didn't seem like you did." He was far from sounding upset. He was stating his truth.

She _would_ have felt that way had she allowed herself to. But she hadn't. In her mind, there was no Luke. She couldn't _let _there be a Luke.

She shook her head. "I couldn't let myself feel this way, Luke. I couldn't think about...you...or us...I just couldn't."

And there he had his answer.

Luke released a tired breath. He looked up at Lorelai and could tell that she was close to crying again. Any second. But she looked at him unblinking, trying to catch every reaction. Without thinking, he looked at his watch quickly. He'd told Elena that he'd be about a half hour late.

He shifted in his chair, then slid to the edge of it as he reclaimed his elbows on knees position. "Are you telling me that you are _just _now--almost a year after the fact--starting to feel anything for the end of our relationship?"

Lorelai swallowed. That was a bit of a loaded question. Technically...yes. But since he'd contributed to her and Christopher's divorce, it wasn't the first time she recognized lingering feelings for him. "Well, what do you mean by--?"

"Is this the first time that you're thinking about it? I mean, _really_ thinking about it? That we're apart. That we aren't and probably will never be a _we _anymore." He closed his eyes and sighed at how that sounded. So insensitive. "I mean, is this the first time that those thoughts have been given room and time to settle--you know, the thoughts that you have after a break-up?" He restated.

Lorelai wiped away a stray tear and sniffled as she looked down to her lap. "I guess," she said quietly. She looked back to him. "But that shouldn't matter. Why does that matter?" She asked worriedly.

Luke's eyes moved around the room, took in the differences, then focused again on Lorelai. He really did not want to hurt her. He'd never want to hurt her. His voice was soft. "Because it's been eleven months, Lorelai. I've done that." He paused, used the time to stare into her eyes. "When you told me about Christopher, that cut through me like a knife."

Lorelai's eyes filled again. "Luke, I told you--"

"No, wait." He gently touched her knee. "It's okay. Just let me finish," he said kindly. He composed himself, prepared himself to talk through her tears. "I'm not judging you here. But...I didn't hide from the pain of that. There was a _lot _of pain, Lorelai. And I didn't run from it. I didn't try to lessen it in any way. I wasn't ready to be with anyone else, and I didn't have a desire to be. It was just me. I felt it. I felt everything." He paused. "I _made _myself feel everything. Mainly because it was my fault. My neglect put this whole thing in motion, and I wanted to deal with that. But also because it was my reality, and no matter how much it hurts, you can't run from that."

Lorelai begged herself not to break down, but it felt like someone was using her heart as a punching bag. "Luke, w-what are you saying?" She asked as if she already knew.

"I apologized for keeping you away from April. And I meant that. If time could be rewinded, I'd do so many things differently. But I never apologized for hurting you in the process. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. Not by me. Not by anyone." Lumps rose, and lumps got swallowed with difficulty. "But you reacted. You went to Christopher. And you relied on him to take away your pain from that. But all it did was push it deeper. It delayed it." He swallowed. Tears emerged in his own eyes. "Lorelai...you're just starting to feel pain that I...have been over for months now."

Lorelai's breath caught.

She'd gone through several scenarios with this as well. And none had gone like this. She got desperate, asked him a question she, herself, had not considered.

"Are you still—do you still love me?"

He moved up in his chair even more. "Lorelai, I still care for you. I will _always _care for you _very _much," he said meaningfully.

She shook her head quickly. "That's not what I asked you." Tears fell from her eyes as if she had an endless supply. "I want to know if you still love me. Are you still in love with me?"

"Lorelai, I--"

"No, don't pacify me, Luke. Please just...answer my question. Yes or no. Do you still love me?"

"I don't think that it's that simp--"

"Luke." She said his name forcefully. She knew. But she needed to hear it.

Luke sighed. Closed his eyes. "No. I don't."

Luke didn't think it was a fair question. She didn't have a right to ask him that and actually expect an answer of 'yes'. That was the same as hoping he'd still be miserable after almost a year later. But he didn't get upset. He didn't have it in himself to get upset right then. He almost wished he could give her an answer of 'yes'. If only so he wouldn't have to see the look on her face that she wore now.

His words hit her like a physical blow. Straight to her heart. But she'd asked for a direct answer, and that's what he'd given her.

Lorelai's face fell. Her eyes dropped to her lap, to her knee that he was still touching. Luke tossed a glance at her. She was silent for the longest moment. "When did you stop?" She asked.

He shook his head. "That's not- that doesn't matter."

She nodded, her eyes still lowered. "Yeah, I guess not." Her tears steadily came like a silent stream. She looked up at him. "It wasn't when we were still…together, was it?"

Luke flinched. His answer was immediate. "No! No, of course not." He shook his head. "I loved you, Lorelai. I loved you more than anything."

Again, she nodded. Swallowed. A few lonely tears fell. "Past tense," she whispered, more to herself.

Luke looked away. He breathed deeply, then slowly came to sit on the coffee table in front of her. He moved his knees to the outside of both of hers. "Look at me," he said. Her eyes moved to his. He paused and just looked at her for second. "This is still new for you right now. You're gonna get past this."

Lorelai stared into his face as he spoke.

"Are you happy? With Elena, are you happy?" She asked quietly.

She saw the answer in his eyes. She really hated that she knew him so well.

But he was reluctant to answer.

"It's okay, Luke. You can tell me the truth."

He swallowed. Shrugged. "Were you happy with Christopher?"

"Yeah, that's why we got a divorce. Because we were just so _happy_."

"Well, you did marry him. _Were_ you happy with him?"

Her eyes remained fixed on him. "Define happy," she said as she swiped her hand across her face.

He met her gaze and nodded his head at her. "You define it," he requested softly. His eyes were serious.

She blinked and cast her eyes downward in thought. Looking back at him, she sighed. Smiled. "Rory." She said this simply. "True happiness—the kind that lasts—it's what I felt when I had Rory. It can never be mistaken. Ever. Even during bad times, you always feel it. You never regret doing what it took to get there."

"And what's the other kind?" He asked, assuming there was one.

She paused. "It's a day at the carnival." She stopped and looked at him. "It's like being a kid and being sad...maybe about your best friend moving away, then being told that you're going to spend the day at the carnival. You ride rides until it makes you dizzy, and you eat until you get sick, and you come home with so many stuffed animals from all of the games you played. On the car ride home, you're still flying. Reliving everything. But when you get home, you realize that your problems are right there waiting for you. And you're right back where you started. Your best friend is still gone." She smiled sadly. "And then you realize that you still have that tummy ache on top of all that. It's like a fleeting happiness. Not even real. And eventually the carnival leaves town. So...guess what happens to that dependable high."

Luke nodded with understanding. "It goes away too," he stated.

"It's like a bad drug. Killing you little by little."

"Is that what you had with him?" He asked.

Her tears had slowed. When they did fall, she'd wipe. Her hand kept going to her cheek every few seconds. She shrugged at his question. "I shouldn't have even been surprised. But stupid me." She laughed briefly to keep the tears from falling faster. "He's always been that to me. He was always the person to bring me temporary happiness. And I tried to turn it into something permanent, and it didn't work." She turned her sad eyes to Luke. "I guess when it comes to love, you only have that Rory kind of happiness one time. At least if your name is Lorelai Gilmore."

Luke's eyes fell, and he swallowed. Lorelai's attention went to her fingers, and for many seconds there was quiet.

"Luke."

"Yeah."

"When Chris and I were together..." She continued to stare at her fingers. Continued with difficulty, "...when you still had feelings for me..." She glanced at him. He still looked down. "...did you, deep inside, want us to fail?"

He shook his head. "No," he answered honestly. "I hoped that you'd finally be happy."

Irony.

She looked up at him. "Really?"

He shrugged and finally met her eyes again. "Really. I'd never wish bad things for you," he added as if he was annoyed he even had to verbalize that.

Lorelai nodded. "I want you to be happy too. And I can tell that you have the Rory happiness...in your relationship," she said with difficulty.

His eyes widened. "Why do you say that?"

She smiled sadly. "You have great eyes, Luke. I can see so many things in your eyes." She had to fight the urge to his face.

Luke sighed. "I don't think it's there yet. To that Rory happiness," he said, almost mocking her use of words. "I'd say it was somewhere in-between...but I don't know."

A month ago, Lorelai couldn't even comfortably walk into his diner, but now here they were openly discussing their feelings and relationships together. Even though emotions had recently spilled. Even with all the history.

"Luke..." Lorelai took a deep breath, "...If, at any point while I was with Chris, I made you feel like I'm feeling now...I want to tell you how deeply sorry I am. You have _such _a good heart. And I want to say I'm sorry for hurting it." Her lip trembled, and she fought a sob. "Because this...just doesn't feel good."

Luke brought his hand to his hat nervously. "It's going to be okay," he said with reassurance.

It had been a long, hard road for him. Not only did he have the thoughts of her and Chris together, but it seemed like every time he turned around, he was getting a nice big visual as well. He didn't think he'd ever stop feeling hurt. Then he'd met Elena. It didn't start quickly at all. He'd see her around constantly, and they'd make small talk. He finally got her number after a full month of this, and they'd talk on the phone. He didn't talk to her about Lorelai, but he found the more he talked to Elena, the less Lorelai-inspired pain he felt. By the time they started to date, Lorelai had broken up with Chris, and by then, Luke's mind was elsewhere entirely.

He really did care about Lorelai. He would make many sacrifices for her if he had to. But one thing he was not ready to sacrifice was his progress. He had managed to move on from her. With absolutely no resentment and no hard feelings whatsoever. Something he never thought he'd be able to do. And he couldn't allow himself to be sucked back in by responding to her emotions. He already felt that it had potential of happening. And if he sat with her any longer and watched her cry over him, he would be uncovering feelings that had already been buried and left alone. He'd already grieved. She hadn't. He had to protect himself. His own state had to be preserved. That's why he knew he had to leave. Now.

"Lorelai, it's getting late, and I know you're exhausted." He moved in and finally was able to catch her tear-filled eyes. He smiled. And he didn't realize what his hand was doing until it went out and gently cupped her cheek. He pulled away immediately.

Lorelai's lips curled up at his fumble. Of course she knew he hadn't intended on doing that. But it felt good, just the same.

He stood up. Lorelai's eyes moved up to meet his. He cleared his throat and looked around. "Why don't you finish this," he said as he picked up her full container of Chinese food and handed it to her.

She took it as she shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"I don't care. You have to eat," he said sternly. Grief and weight loss went hand-in-hand.

She sniffed. "Okay," she agreed as she stared down into her plate.

He looked around, then back at her before he walked quickly to the hall closet. He pulled it open hesitantly, and was pleased to find that it still looked the same. Grabbing one of her old blankets, he quickly closed the door and went back over to her.

"Alright, here you go," he said as he unfolded the blanket and covered her lower body as she sat on the couch. He managed to do this without touching her, and he backed up and started scanning the area for her remote.

Lorelai moved her legs beneath her bottom and got comfortable as she took a small bite of food. Her tears had finally decided to give her a break. She watched him as he looked around quickly.

"What are you looking for?" She asked.

"Your remote control," he said right before he spotted it at the end of the couch.

He picked it up and gave it to her before he went to her television and started picking through the many movies that she had sitting below it. Lorelai continued to watch him from behind and suddenly, she felt like crying again. And before she could fight the feeling, tears were, yet again, cascading down her cheeks. Her hand shook as she raised the fork to her mouth, unable to taste anything.

"You have to leave?" She asked him.

Luke turned suddenly, about four tape cassettes in his hands. "Uh...yeah, I can't stay," he said regretfully.

Lorelai nodded. Took another bite of rice she couldn't taste. She smiled as more tears left her eyes. "I don't want you to leave," she said with a shrug. Her body seemed to tremble.

Luke closed his eyes. He hadn't cried in years. He'd even managed not to when he was mourning their relationship. But when Lorelai hurt, it did something to him. It was extremely unsettling. He opened his eyes after a moment, and she was looking at him. "I know you don't," he said.

"But you have to," she said knowingly. He didn't say anything. "It's okay."

Luke stood immobile, not really knowing the appropriate thing to do. He looked at her and she at him. Turning with a sigh, he stuck in a random movie and put the rest down. Sticking his hand in his pocket for his phone, he pulled it out. "I'm just gonna step outside and make a phone call. I'll be right back," he said as his fingers worked the buttons.

"Wait, what are you doing?" She asked. He stopped.

"Nothing," he answered. "I just realized that I don't...have to leave, so forget about what I said. I can stay. Just let me go..." He pointed to the door as he slowly began to walk toward it while focusing on his tiny cell phone buttons.

"Luke, you're not going to cancel your plans for me. I can't let you do that."

He shrugged. "I'm not canceling any plans. I'm just--"

"You're having to make phone call. That's canceling plans."

He sighed with exhaustion. "It's not a big deal."

Lorelai shook her head, more tears leaving her eyes. "Luke, what's telling you to stay? If it's your heart, then by all means, pull up a chair. If it's your head, then _go_. I don't want to be an imposition. And since you've already told me that you no longer...feel the same about me, I can guess it's not your heart talking, and I don't want your company out of pity." She was getting upset, just thinking of the great possibility.

"It's not out of pity," he said tightly.

"But it is your head talking?" She asked knowingly.

He looked around in annoyance. "As opposed to _what_?" He asked loudly in aggravation. Oh yeah...

"Your heart!" She said in sudden exclaim. She quieted, "Dammit...Luke. Your heart." More tears. She wiped vigorously as her frustration bubbled to the surface. His words came back even stronger, and she could no longer keep her internal battle quiet. "I can't believe you just _stopped _loving me. In a year. It's only been a year." She dropped her food on the table and folded her arms. "You're really gonna have to tell me how you did that," she said in sarcasm.

Luke flipped his phone shut and went back around the coffee table, in front of the TV. "So, what, you're still in love with me?" He asked frowning.

"Picked up on that subtle admission, did you?"

He clenched his jaw, folded his arms as she had. "And when did you realize this?"

"It doesn't matter. Just like it doesn't matter when you _stopped _loving me."

"It does matter. It sure as hell does matter because I'm not gonna stand here and let you try to make me feel bad about this. I had to sit in this town, the town the size of a damn shoebox, and watch my ex-fiancé walk around with her _husband _months after we broke off our engagement. Feeling like shit. So you don't get to finally step out of the little fairy tale you were living with him and then finally start to grieve _**us**_, hoping I'll take you in my arms and make it all better. We should have both been cleared of this shit by now. Not just me."

Lorelai stared at him. "Luke, I can go five years, ten years, and I doubt I'll be able to _clear this shit_," she said copying him. "But not you. No, six months and your heart is clear and free."

"Don't do that."

"Don't do what?" She asked in frustration.

"Don't judge me like that. That's what. How selfish do you have to be to move on from somebody, then expect them to be in the same place emotionally when you dane to show the hell back up?"

"I didn't expect you to be in the same place, Luke. I just think that after what we had, you would still be--"

"What, following behind you with my tongue hanging out?!"

"Don't talk to me like that."

Luke exhaled loudly and went back to the recliner. He looked at her seriously, found his composure. "Lorelai, what do you want from me?"

She stared at him for a few seconds, saying nothing. Then, she answered. "Nothing. I don't want anything _from _you, Luke. I want _you_."

He sat back in the chair, and his hands went to cover his face. His hands moved away, and his eyes slowly opened and went to the ceiling. Lorelai looked at him.

Seconds turned to minutes, and neither of them spoke. Luke's eyes never wavered, and neither did hers. Finally, Luke's voice broke through the quiet.

"You hurt me, Lorelai."

Her heart wrenched. "You hurt me...Luke," she was barely able to say.

He nodded, finally let his eyes travel to her. "I hate myself for that. I really do."

"I'm not too fond of myself, either."

He watched tears stain her beautiful face, and he felt his heart drop. He shut his eyes. "I care about you. So much."

She nodded. But it wasn't love.

"What I told you before, it's true. It's really not that simple. It's not black and white, Lorelai. It's not."

She would take anything. Anything other than the_ 'no, I don't love you' _that she had gotten before. "Then, explain it to me," she said softly.

He shook his head slowly. "I wouldn't even know how to."

"But you know that you don't love me anymore?"

"I know that I am over the pain of loving you and not being able to have you. I know that what I have now, with Elena, is not disposable. And I know that I can now look at you day after day without swimming in regret. And all of that...it's saying something. It's saying a lot."

Lorelai was silent. "Do you think part of that has to do with me moving on with Christopher?"

"It has a lot to do with it," he admitted. "It has everything to do with it. I realized I had to let go. You had."

"So, my telling you that I didn't really move on...does that not mean anything?"

He took a second to think. "It means that you haven't given yourself time to grieve for us." Lorelai's eyes fell. Luke sat up. "Lorelai, I don't want you to have to go through this. It's killing me just to witness it. More than you know, it's killing me. I don't want you to think I'm taking some kind of twisted pleasure from this. You have to allow yourself time to heal. I'm not going anywhere, and we'll always be friends, so don't think you've lost me. We haven't been together for almost a year, and you made it through that. You can make it through this too. You just have to keep your perspective, and let yourself heal."

She nodded, took a breath. "You're right," she said as she looked into his eyes. "And in the spirit of friendship, I should probably confide to you that this past year has been one big _fucked up _blur for me." She paused, took in his reaction. "But if I made it through that, then I should be fine, right?" she said repeating him. "So, thanks for the encouragement."

She stood up from the couch and tossed the blanket aside as she headed for the stairs.

"Lorelai," Luke called.

"No, Luke, I'm fine okay," she said as she glanced at him over her shoulder. Her courteous smile was accompanied by tears that, by this point, were just a part of the party. "I'm tired. I'm going up to bed. You can go or...stay or...do whatever you want to do," she said as she waved her arm. "Thanks for coming by," she added as she moved up the staircase.

Luke watched her disappear, and as he heard her door shut, he sank back into the recliner.

His mind was on what had just taken place when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out and flipped it open. He already knew who it was.

"Hey," he said softly. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that...No, I think I'm gonna have to get a rain check...Yeah...Okay...Yeah, you have a good night too...Bye," he ended with a smile.

He sighed and stuck his phone back in his pocket. He stood up, flipped out the lights, and grabbed the blanket that he had gotten for Lorelai as he sat on the sofa. He covered himself with it and turned to lay down.

"Bye bye progress," he mumbled as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_May 4_

Lorelai woke up without an alarm clock the next morning. About fifteen minutes before she'd planned.

She lay looking at the ceiling. Thinking.

About Luke. And about the conversation that had taken place in her living room. As her mind zoomed through it, she cringed at how many tears she had shed in front of him.

Dragging herself out of bed, she pulled open her bedroom door and walked to the stairs where she descended them tiredly. She needed coffee, and suddenly felt as if her desire for it had gotten so high that she could smell it. Glancing into the living room, she saw her blanket had been put away, along with her food that she'd neglected to finish.

As she made her way into the kitchen, her eyes narrowed in confusion. It wasn't just her desire for coffee that made her smell it, but it was the actual presence of it. She wondered if she had sleepwalked again. The first time, Rory had found her crawling under the kitchen table mumbling something about dropped Cheerios. Maybe she had advanced to coffee making. She'd always been a quick learner.

Spotting the familiar bag on her table, she walked over to it and looked inside spotting two chocolate chip muffins. She picked one up and bit into it, suddenly realizing how hungry she was. She saw a note next to the bag, so she picked it up.

_Left you muffins. Put them in your microwave oven, medium heat, 5 to 8 minutes. Or just eat them cold...like you'll probably do anyway. Stop by if you have some time.  
-Luke _

Lorelai continued to chew the cold muffin as she set the paper down.

She sighed and looked from the muffin in her hand to the coffee on the counter. How did he expect her to get over him when he continually did stuff like this?

If it were anyone besides Luke, she'd swear that this was being done on purpose.

She wanted to reject the muffins, reject the coffee, push Luke to the back of her mind and keep him there. Since he obviously didn't appreciate being at the forefront.

But she realized that would never happen. Not anymore. She'd done that for long enough, and look how that turned out.

She'd try to respect his wishes. She'd try to move on while keeping their friendship in tact. Because his friendship was better than nothing at all.

Taking another big bite of her muffin, she walked over and poured herself a cup of coffee. The coffee that, after all the years passed, still reigned as the best.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_...May 4_

"Come in," Lorelai yelled dully as she continued to type away on her computer.

Her office door creaked open, and Sookie's head poked inside. "You busy?" She asked.

Lorelai glanced at her with a smile. "No, Hon, just finishing something up. What's up?"

Sookie came inside and closed the door. "Just coming to make sure you were feeling okay. You didn't come into the kitchen this morning for your usual jolt." She winked. "Did you hit _Luke's_?"

Lorelai sat back in her chair. "No, but I did have his coffee." She paused. "He left it for me this morning."

Sookie's eyes went wide, and she went to sit down in front of Lorelai's desk. "He left it for you? You mean like at your house?" She asked excitedly. "He spent the night?"

Lorelai's shoulders shrugged. "I don't know. Probably," she said tiredly.

Sookie giggled. "Okay, Honey, you're not making a whole lot of sense. I think I'm gonna need a little more."

Lorelai smiled. She looked over toward her office door to make sure it was closed. Finding that Sookie had secured it, she returned focus to her friend. "It didn't go well, Sookie. It didn't go well at all."

"What didn't?"

"Me telling him how I felt."

Sookie straightened up in the chair. "You told him?" She asked with complete shock. "We just talked about this yesterday. That's fast."

"I know. But..." Her hand went in the air and fell back to her lap. "...when I got home last night, he called, and I just asked him to come over. And we talked."

"And it didn't go well?" Sookie asked sorrowfully.

She shook her head. "Apparently, while I was out having my short-lived, emotionally repressed relationship with Christopher, Luke was using that time to properly get over me before starting an actual _healthy _relationship with someone else."

Sookie's eyes narrowed in question. "He's over you?" She asked doubtfully.

Lorelai breathed deeply. "He's over me."

"That's not possible."

Lorelai shook her head. "I mean, there I sat pouring out my heart to him, Sookie. Completely vulnerable. And he told me flat out that he was over me. Over us."

Sookie's mind couldn't even put together an arbitrary idea of how that had played out. "Was he a jerk about it?"

Lorelai shook her head, shrugged. "No. He was Luke. If ever a girl were looking for a guy to rip her heart out while still making her want to voluntarily give it to him...he'd be the chosen one."

Sookie frowned. "Oh, my g--I hate him. How can he do that to you?"

Lorelai closed her eyes. "You can't hate him, Sookie. You _can't_. I can't. Because he didn't do anything wrong. The only thing I fault him for, I can't even _rightly _fault him for. And that's that he didn't pine away for me. He, instead, pulled himself together and moved on. So, I can't be mad that when I finally realize that I made a mistake, he's not there anymore." She wiped at the tears that had fallen at her admission.

Sookie looked at her sadly. "But you _are _mad," she quietly gathered.

Lorelai's lip trembled as she looked away. "I am. Sookie. I'm so mad. And hurt. And it seems like everything in the universe is working against me, and...I just don't know how much of this I can take."

Sookie shook her head. "You don't deserve this, Lorelai. You really don't deserve to have to go through this."

She shrugged weakly. "Maybe I don't. But neither did he. I mean, honestly Sookie, after all of the pain that we've put one another through, maybe it's best that we just let go." She was sobbing by this point.

Sookie stood up and went around the desk. She wrapped her arm around her neck. "Shh."

Lorelai cried softly. "I just--I just don't know how to do that. I can't do that."

Sookie moved around and hugged Lorelai even tighter from the front, the sounds of her sobs getting buried in the shoulder of her smock.

Tears began to leak from Sookie's eyes, and she shut them tightly as she faced the wall.

"I-I love him so much," Lorelai said between whimpers.

Sookie nodded. "I know you do, Honey. I know you do."

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_...May 4_

Lorelai worked for only a few hours that day. Concentration just wasn't taking place. She had work to do. She knew this, and she knew that allowing personal matters to interfere with this was far from professional. But she had no control over where her mind was.

So, she got sent home. She didn't go voluntarily, but Sookie pointed to the door, and told her to leave. Lorelai couldn't help but chuckle at Sookie's straight faced order. She tried to tell her she was fine and could make it through the day, but Sookie wasn't hearing it.

The result of this was Lorelai sitting at home at 10am on a Friday. Alone. When she made it inside of her house, she closed the door and looked around as if she was in foreign territory. She had no idea of what being home alone was supposed to accomplish. She still felt like crap. Only now she had to have the feeling…while being alone.

Thanks Sookie.

Despite the new level of depression this brought with it, Lorelai went ahead and changed into her PJ's and settled onto the couch. She'd never wallowed this early before, but there was a first time for everything. She wasn't hungry, but the muffins had been digested, and her stomach was empty enough for her to sufficiently fill it with wallow food.

And what was wallowing without the fattening wallow food?

She grabbed some whipped cream, Cheetos, and 2 different bags of cookies before she headed into the living room. She drew all blinds in her house and got it as dark as she could before _An Affair to Remember_ began playing in her DVD player.

She settled onto the couch and took a deep breath as she turned attention to the screen. Taking the can of whip cream, she shook it quickly and inserted the nozzle in her mouth. She pressed on the side and filled her mouth with cream.

Over and over she did this, using the break in squirting to munch on cookies. Her eyes were glued to the screen as she blindly reached for various foods.

She found tears running down her face not long into the movie. She thought of Luke, and more tears fell, but her attention was on the screen.

She ate. And she cried. And she watched the movie. She cried harder when Terry failed to show. That usually brought tears, but since she'd already been crying, it just made it even worse.

Once the tears started flowing, thinking of any and everything made them continue. Her mind alternated between thoughts from the previous night, her life over the past year, her future, and of course, the movie--which held her visionary focus.

When the movie ended, she had another set to play. She slipped in _Madagascar_, more than ready for some comical relief.

Her mind was relentless in its point of interest. Luke. Her tears had stopped for the time being, and she smiled as the movie played, but that central point never faltered.

Laying down on her side, she watched the animated movie. It brought a small amount of distraction for her, and for that, she was grateful.

A sudden knock made her turn her eyes from the screen to the door as she leaned up and stared as if she could see through it. She was sliding to her feet a few seconds later when she figured that she would have to put effort into seeing on the other side. As she walked over sluggishly, she suddenly recalled Sookie's promise to stop in and see about her. Her walk turned a little more brisk as she headed toward the door. She hoped that she had the sense to bring her more food since she'd placed her on house arrest.

She opened the door and ended up staring blankly at the visitor who looked nothing like Sookie.

With a sigh, she moved away from the door, leaving it open.

Luke, with eyes wide, watched her walk back over to the couch. "Um, can I come in?" He asked cautiously.

"Sure," she said as she sat down and folded her arms.

Luke had brought a large bag with him, and he moved it from one hand to the other as he stepped inside and closed the door gently. He made very little noise as he took slow steps over toward where she sat. When he came around the couch, he glanced at the television before looking at her. Her eyes were on the TV.

"I-I brought this for you," he said quietly as he set the bag on the edge of the coffee table.

She looked up at him.

He continued to look back to her, his eyes shying for only a second.

Lorelai's eyes were glued to his.

Luke slowly released a breath as he looked away.

She blinked and looked back at the screen. "How'd you know I was here?" she asked. She didn't mean for it to, but the question came out monotone.

"I called the inn, and that French guy told me," he answered.

She turned her eyes on him again. "Why'd you call the inn?" She asked, this time putting effort into keeping away the monotonous tone.

He shrugged. Barely.

"You don't know why you called the inn looking for me?" She asked blandly. He looked down to the floor. She sounded like any answer he gave could potentially set her off, and he was definitely in no rush to put her or himself through anything confrontational. Again. It wouldn't make sense to. For him, it'd be like arguing just for argument's sake. He was in no mood for it.

"Let me guess. You wanted to check on me, right?" She asked. Almost amusedly. "Well, Luke, you can rest easy because I am just fine." Luke still looked down, but he looked up at her as he heard her chuckle. "I have _Madagascar_ here keeping me company," she continued. "...Some junk food...that I've almost run through. I guess it's a good thing you're here. What'd you bring me to eat?" She asked raising her eyebrows anxiously.

Luke didn't answer.

She went on anyway. "Well, whatever it is, it's appreciated. Your pitiable contribution to this little soirée is _remarkably_ appreciated, Luke." She looked into his face, her expression, in one fail swoop, showing how unremarkable she really felt.

Luke glanced down at the bag, then back at her before pointing into the kitchen. "I'll go and get you a plate," he said casually. Lorelai watched as he walked into the kitchen. Once he was out of sight, she rolled her eyes back to the television.

She heard the water turn on, and she looked back over to see him washing his hands in the kitchen sink. He dried them quickly, then came back with a glass of lemonade and a plate. He knelt down on the floor in front of the coffee table. Facing her. Looking over his shoulder, he made sure he was not in her line of vision to the screen as he began preparation.

Lorelai's eyes followed his movements. He opened the bag, took a container out, and opened it. The wonderful aroma filled the room.

He began to fill her plate. Lorelai watched him. The movie played.

"I'm going to say this once." Luke didn't look up. He just continued his task as he spoke. He was serious. Dead serious, but he still didn't look up. His hands stayed busy, and Lorelai looked intently at him. "I want to be clear. I don't want you to mistake my intentions again. Ever." Lorelai could tell he was getting upset. But he kept his composure. "No matter what we've been through...what we go through...there is no choice I make regarding you that doesn't go through my heart. First." He paused, tensed. Worked hard to keep his cool. His eyes remained on his task. "They start there and end there. This _head choice_ and _pitiable contribution_ thing you seem to want to throw in my face...stops now."

Lorelai stared at him, waiting for him to meet her eyes, but he never did. She sighed quietly, feeling as if she owed him an apology. "Luke," she began softly.

He seemed to relax some. "No," he said as he closed the container. "As far as I'm concerned, the subject is dropped." He shut his eyes briefly and sighed. He stood up suddenly with her plate and walked around the table. He finally looked at her as he extended it to her. Her eyes were on his as she took it.

"Thanks," she whispered.

He smiled a little. "No problem."

He backed up some. Lorelai's eyes dropped to her plate, then went back to him as a tiny smile appeared on her lips. "Do you mind grabbing me some ketchup?" She asked.

She smiled fully as he rolled his eyes and turned toward the kitchen. "Sure," he said as he headed in there.

Lorelai got herself situated to eat. Luke came back with a bottle of ketchup, and when he held it out for her to take it, Lorelai smiled and held her plate up instead. With another eye roll, he flipped the cap and squirted some onto the side of her plate.

She lowered her plate, still with a smile.

"Happy now?" He asked, almost unable to hold onto his grumpiness.

"Right now...I'm happy," she commented as she took a bite of her french fry. She looked up to him as she chewed.

His eyes shifted, and he held up the bottle. "Let me take this back," he said. Lorelai nodded, and he left.

Her eyes were on her food when he came back, but she could hear him approaching. "Luke," she called evenly.

"Yeah." He stopped a few feet short of her and folded his arms comfortably.

"Why did you call the inn looking for me?" She asked again.

He shrugged. "Checkin' on you."

"Keeping tabs on me?" She asked.

"_Che-cking_ on you to make sure you were doing okay."

She smiled, took another fry down. She looked at him directly. "When you were getting over me, do you think it was easier to not have to see me?"

His eyes narrowed. "I don't know." He paused. "Why?"

She spoke casually. "I was just asking. Because I think it's going to be pretty impossible to get over you if you continually stop by and call and...bring me ketchup."

Luke seemed to stiffen. "So...what, you don't want to be friends?"

Lorelai's hand went to her eye and she wiped the tear before it had a chance to roll down her cheek. She went back to eating. "I don't know," she said as she looked onto her plate. She looked up at him. "But if I couldn't be around you and get over you at the same time...and I had to choose, would you rather I continue to be friends with you or I keep my distance so I have a chance of not being in love with you anymore?"

Luke couldn't deny that hearing her say she was in love with him made his heart skip a beat. When they were together, they didn't say it often. He could count the few times that they had. Her to him and him to her.

"That would be your choice to make," he said in response to her. "Not mine." He hoped, _prayed_ it didn't come down to that because having her friendship back over the past month had made him realize how much he missed it.

"But you would be affected."

"Yes. I would."

"So, which would you prefer?" Her hand went back to her face as she wiped at both her eyes. His eyes dropped. Lorelai looked to him. "It'd probably be best if I stayed away, huh?" She asked thoughtfully as her eyes fell to her lap.

"No," he answered instantly.

She looked at him at his quick admission. There was a small silence between them. "So, you'd rather I still be in love with you...then," she gathered. Luke's eyes moved around. He tried to think but was having a little trouble doing that. What was the question again?

"Luke...can I ask you a personal question?" He paused, then nodded hesitantly. "I mean, you may not remember...but...how long did it take you to fall in love with me? Was it a long time?"

He swallowed. Honesty. Always tricky. "Not long."

She stared at him for moments on end. "Years?"

He shook his head slowly.

"Months?" She asked with a light shrug.

He stared at her intensely. His jaw tightened. He shook his head.

Lorelai's eyes narrowed, watered. "W-weeks?" She asked quietly.

Luke's eyes moved to the floor. "Not long," he repeated.

She dropped her head, and a tear slid out of her eye onto her plate before she could catch it. She sniffed. "Do you hate me for what I did, Luke?"

He frowned. "Of course not."

"It's okay if you do. Even a little bit. I can understand wh--"

"Lorelai, I don't hate you."

She looked up at the movie that still played on despite the lack of an audience. "So, then, you forgive me? Fully."

"Why are yo--"

"Luke, please just answer my question. Do you fully forgive me?"

He gave her an annoyed look. "Yes," he said. "I should be asking you that question. I'm the one that--"

"I forgive you, Luke. I forgave you long ago."

"Good."

Lorelai nodded in agreement. "Yeah."

Luke breathed deep. Lorelai ate slowly as Luke looked down to his shoes. He closed his eyes tightly as he brought his head back up. "You know...Lorelai, your friendship--"

She shook her head slowly as she looked past him to the TV. "Don't worry about that," she said quietly.

He stretched his neck. "Don't worry about it? You asked me if you shou--"

"I know. Forget about it, Luke. We'll always be friends."

His eyes narrowed toward her. "Okay," he responded slowly.

Lorelai smiled, her lip quivering.

Luke looked at her thoughtfully for a few seconds. Looking away from her, his eyes moved back to the television, and he caught the time on her VCR. "Jeez." He quickly looked at his watch to confirm the time. "I'm running late. I have to get to the diner." He started looking around. As if he didn't know the the way to leave. "I have to go," he said. Stopping and looking at her, he asked, "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine," she said with a nod. "Go. Thanks for coming." She smiled and took a bite of her burger. "And bringing food," she added with a full mouth.

Luke shook his head. "Alright, I'll see ya," he said as he tossed a casual wave to her and walked toward the door.

Lorelai set her burger down and waved a hand to him without turning. "Bye, Luke," she called. "I really do love you, ya know."

He paused by the door and looked at her, seeing the back of her head. He opened his mouth...to bid her another goodbye. Maybe. To softly thank her for privately making his day. Probably. Something was gonna come out. Something that'd show he had heard her and appreciated her love that would soon fade with time.

But instead he blindly reached for the door. Fumbled actually. Walked out of it backwards as he stared at her from behind.

As Lorelai heard the door click shut, she turned slowly and saw the empty foyer.

She turned back with a small sigh as she continued to eat her food.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_...May 4_

Regroup.

Re-focus.

Luke entered the diner. He was a little late, but he didn't seem to have been missed too much. Caesar greeted him warmly as he came inside. Luke nodded in response.

"Break in 15, Boss," he said with a smile.

Luke rubbed his eyes. "Yeah," he acknowledged. "Let me run upstairs. Can you handle it for five more minutes?"

"I can handle anything you throw at me, Boss man." Luke smiled. Caesar's five year employment at the diner had not yet soddened his youthful enthusiasm. If Energizer was his source, he was a true testament to that battery power. Every once in a while, it lifted Luke's spirits to hear him talk. So exuberant.

"Five minutes," he said in promise as he disappeared behind the curtain.

Regroup.

Re-focus.

He spread out across his bed. His eyes went to the ceiling.

His mind to Lorelai.

She wasn't malicious. She didn't scheme and plot. Had never been the type to star in Lifetime's version of a home wrecker. But she wanted him. Luke, now, knew how much. She had ripped the band-aid off, only to discover an unhealed wound. Surprise, surprise.

Luke had to regroup. Re-focus.

Not for the possibility of what _Lorelai _may do. He knew her heart like he knew his own. He, instead, had to come to terms with himself.

It took a long time to get to where he was. Long days followed by even longer nights.

He didn't love Lorelai. Not in that way. Not anymore.

Point blank, yes or no, his arrow pointed to 'no'.

But it wasn't anything to be celebrated. He was like a recovering alcoholic who'd fallen into a career of bartending.

The night before, he made the choice to leave. Because that's what he needed to do. For his own sake. But he stayed one second too long and before he knew it, he was canceling plans with Elena. That was not supposed to happen.

He was in a relationship. Not a fling. Not a meaningless rebound that had gone on too long. He cared about Elena. He was able to think about Lorelai, about what they had and _still _care for Elena. That was where he was.

But Lorelai.

He had no desire to cut ties with her. He couldn't. He wasn't a weak man. Or a man without will-power. Morals. He was his father's son, and he was built on integrity and honor. Trust.

But Lorelai.

He saw something that could become a pattern. Recognized something that could put strain on his relationship. On himself. If she called now, he'd be there. He'd drop everything. He'd proven that he was willing to drop Elena.

Regroup.

Re-focus.

Regroup.

Re-focus.

Nothing would happen that he didn't want to happen. Lorelai would never test his strength.

He figured that was a good thing. It was. Yet, he found himself needing to...

Regroup.

Re-focus.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_...May 4_

At hearing another knock, Lorelai yelled that the door was open.

"Lorelai?" Sookie peeked inside.

"On the couch, Sookie. Come in." Lorelai lay on the couch, not bothering to lift her head to the front door.

Sookie came in and closed the door behind her. "Sorry it took so long, but I had all this--" She stopped as she spotted a diner bag on the coffee table. Lorelai sat up and followed her eyes.

"Luke brought it," she answered before the question could be presented.

Sookie had two big bags of her own. She set them down beside the coffee table. "Luke...?"

Lorelai gave her a dubious look. "...Danes. Baseball cap. Monosyllabic. Ex-fiancé." She smiled. "Ringing a bell?"

Sookie rolled her eyes as her hands went to her hips. "I know who Luke is. I'm just saying..." She looked down at the bag, the empty containers. "He brought this?" She asked with disbelief.

Lorelai tossed a glance to the empty bag. "Yep. He stopped by about two hours ago. Dropped it off." She lifted her eyebrows at her friend. "Sweet, hunh?"

"Uh..._no_!" Sookie responded.

Lorelai stood. She picked up the bag and some more of her trash and headed into the kitchen. "Relax, Sookie. It's fine. I'm fine. I can handle seeing him, and since we have this friendship going, it's a pretty good thing to be able to do that," she said sarcastically. Sookie had followed her into the kitchen.

"What is wrong with him?! It's like he's taking any opportunity to rub this in your face." Sookie rolled her eyes. "Do you want me to take care of him? I know people."

Lorelai smiled. "You know _cooking _people, Sookie. What are they gonna do? Whack him with a cutting board?"

"Or a rolling pin. That'd knock some sense in him," Sookie added as she folded her arms.

Lorelai stuffed some things in the trash and turned back with a sigh. "No one is hurting Luke, Sookie." She leaned on the counter. "He's being...kind of great about this whole thing."

Sookie scoffed. "He's _being _a jackass. He knows how you feel, but he's continuing to come around you and make it even worse. He needs to keep his distance. That's what he needs to be doing."

Lorelai's head fell back in exhaustion. Focusing her eyes back on Sookie, she said, "Sook, I love you. You know I love you."

Sookie was still fuming. "Yeah, I know. Best friend here. Remember?" She said while pointing to herself.

Lorelai nodded. "I know you're looking out for me. I'd be doing the same thing for you, but Sookie, you're kind of looking at this whole thing wrong. You're my best friend, yes. But you know Luke. You've known him longer than you've known me. Just take a second and think. You know this man. Just stop and think about the person, the _character _that you're scrutinizing."

Sookie's foot was tapping on the floor as Lorelai spoke. As she did _actually _start to think, the tapping slowed. Then, stopped.

Lorelai smiled, gave her a few additional seconds. "You better?"

Sookie's arms unfolded, and she sat at the kitchen table tiredly. "I'm better," she said with defeat. Up until a minute ago, Luke didn't really have a face. He was just a guy who had left her best friend emotionally wounded. Without care. But giving him that familiar face and name helped her to remember the gigantic heart that came as a package deal with this man. She looked up suddenly. "Well, if I can't hate him, who can I hate for you then?" She asked seriously.

Lorelai chuckled. "I don't know. No answers there, Babe."

Sookie looked at her for a moment. "How do you feel?"

"About Luke?"

Sookie shrugged. "Yeah. About everything. How are you?"

"I'm not crying. That's good, right?"

"That's really good, Honey."

Lorelai looked down to the floor as her hands went back to the edge of the counter. "He says I need time. Time will help me to get over him."

"But?" Sookie asked softly.

She shook her head slowly. "He couldn't be more wrong. I love him, Sookie. I really do," she said straight out. "I've never stopped. I miss the way he used to look at me. We'd watch movies...and no matter who was in the movie...no matter what actress...no matter how beautiful, I never saw him look at any of them the way he looked at me." She paused. "The way he used to...to touch me..." She sighed. "You can't re-create the feeling of being with someone who you are completely in love with. Smiles, laughter, sex...kisses...they're all...just different."

Sookie released a deep breath. "I can testify to that," she agreed.

Lorelai looked down thoughtfully. "Sook, when Christopher and I were together, did you ever go see about Luke?"

Sookie looked taken back by the question. "Should I have?"

Lorelai shrugged. "It seems like I got a lot of support from the town. But I don't know how much he got." She shrugged again. "It must have been really hard for him."

"It was hard for you."

"The part that was hard for me, the part that I acknowledged, was the part that I _chose _for myself. My marriage. My relationship with Chris was what I needed support on. And I got that. How much support did Luke have? For something he had to have shoved in his face?" She shook her head at her words. "I feel like such a bad person sometimes, Sookie."

"Lorelai, you--"

"And how I feel now, knowing about this Elena woman, it's painful. I mean, it hurts like hell. But it's controlled hurt, you know? Because I know...that I've been with someone else too. I married someone else. But it still hurts. So much. I can't imagine how much more it'd hurt if I was in his shoes. And I just had the knowledge of Luke sleeping with someone else out of nowhere. That's what he had to go through. And when I think of that, I feel like such a jerk for even proposing that he love me again. Why the hell would he want to love me again?"

Sookie's mind was spinning. Lorelai was venting. Earlier and now, and it took all she could do to just keep up with her.

"The same reason you choose to love _him_. You both messed up. It's not a question of who messed up worse. You either want to be together or you don't."

"He doesn't love me."

"That's what his mouth says."

Lorelai shook her head. "He means it, Sook."

Sookie fell silent.

"He's not only with someone else, but he's falling for someone else. Or has _already fallen _for someone else," she corrected.

Sookie gave her a look of confusion. "He's in love with that woman?"

Lorelai shrugged. "I don't know. Probably. I really don't want to think about the possibility of it being that deep." She shuddered. "Ugh. Every time I...think about them being _together_..." She clenched her fists, "I just want to scream."

Sookie shook her head. "He's still crazy about you, Lorelai. I mean, you say he's over you, but yet, he's still coming here and bringing you food. He's helping you through your melancholy. Think about how much that could be affecting whatever progress he's made. It's like he can't help himself or something."

Lorelai looked at Sookie and smiled. She'd gone from wanting to hurt him to understanding and almost defending him. Lorelai's being preoccupied kept her from bringing it to her attention.

"He's in a relationship."

Sookie waved her hand with dismiss. "Who cares?"

If Lorelai had it in her, she would have laughed at that. All it got was a smile, though. "I do. I really want to respect that."

Sookie started to think more of the possibility that Luke was struggling with himself. "Elena, you said her name was?" Lorelai nodded. "Well, _Elena_," she said with a disgusted look, "is just a distraction. She'll have her walking papers soon enough."

Lorelai thought for a moment. She knew Luke didn't operate on distractions. Apparently, that was just her. "You know, I know it's wishful thinking. Selfish thinking. But he doesn't hate me. I asked him, and he told me truthfully. Hate is strong, and it can keep anything from happening, but that's not an issue. I keep thinking that maybe with time, he'll...fall back. He can...be in love with me again. Maybe."

"Are you going to do anything to push him toward that end?"

Lorelai shook her head. "You know me better than that, Sook. If he was single, that'd be different, but he's with someone, and I can't...I won't do anything to disrespect him...or _them_." She rolled her eyes. The cringing was still taking place.

There was a silence.

"I don't want to kill communication with him. He doesn't want that either, so we're going to continue to be friends." She paused. "I just hope that I can deal with that, you know?"

Sookie nodded. "Yeah."

Lorelai took a deep breath and walked over to join Sookie at the table. She sat down and looked at her. "I'm going to need your friendship through this, Sookie. I mean, I'm going to need to talk to someone because if I don't then I'll pr--"

"You know you've always got my support. I'm here, Honey. Anytime."

Lorelai smiled. "Well, I know you have a family. A husband. Two and a half babies," she said looking at her pregnant tummy. "So, it won't be like three o'clock in the morning or anything."

Sookie shook her head. "No, anytime. Call me and I'll come over or sit on the phone with you. Anything you need, Honey. I'm here for you."

"What about the kids?"

"That's what Jackson's for," she replied. "He can handle the kids for a while. It's not like he'll be doing anything productive. Like getting a vasectomy like he promised he would." She rolled her eyes at the memory.

Lorelai actually laughed. "Thought you were over that."

Sookie sighed. "I can't control the pop-ups." She laughed again. "It's like jack-in-the-box. If you wind enough, it'll--" She jumped slightly in feigned shock, "--pop out! But I always push it back in." She released a breath. "See. It's gone now."

Lorelai continued to chuckle. The feeling was a great relief. Sookie rubbed her belly with a wide smile as she stared off to the side. "Jack-in-the-box," she repeated. She looked at Lorelai. "You remember those?"

"Yeah," she answered. "Good times."

Sookie nodded in agreement. "Good times." She paused reflectively. "Those things used to scare the crap outta me," she commented calmly.

Lorelai, not expecting the comment, laughed again. "I know. Even though you were sitting there winding the thing, it was like when it finally popped out..." They both jumped at the same time in example. Lorelai laughed harder. Sookie joined her. "It...w-was always...a surprise to see that something was _actually _in the box," she said laughing, barely able to get the words out.

Tears came from Lorelai's eyes as she bent over laughing. Sookie looked at her, laughing more at her reaction than anything. "You okay?"

She sat up and wiped her eyes. "I'm good. I'm fine." Short chuckles. She continued to wipe her face. "Aw, god. I needed that." She took a deep breath. "Thanks, Sookie."

"Like I told you, _anytime_, Sweetie."

They stood up and made their way back into the living room.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_May 16_

It was on a Wednesday. The time is a little foggy, but the day as well as the _date _was committed instantly to Lorelai's memory.

She had been doing better. Not good. Definitely not great. But better.

Lorelai was doing better. Coming to terms. Whatever.

On this Wednesday with the foggy time, Lorelai stepped into the diner. And she had the pleasure of actually meeting Luke's non-distraction. She and Elena were introduced.

Brief introduction, it was. She had been on her way out as Lorelai entered. Elena was kind. Elena was pretty. And Elena was a genuine individual, leading Lorelai to instantly see why Luke would go for her. She had nothing negative to say about the woman.

Luke had introduced them quickly, as Elena seemed to be in a rush. He didn't use a title for Elena upon introduction, but he had told Elena that _this_ was Lorelai.

And at the accentuation, Elena seemed even more pleased to make her acquaintance.

Elena left from the diner, and Lorelai took a seat on a stool. Luke got a mug and filled it for her. He reached in the sugar dish on the counter and pulled out two packets, laying them next to her mug without a second thought. "Hey, I'm sorry about that."

Lorelai held her mug lightly as she smiled down at the sugar packets. She shook away her thoughts after a moment. "Sorry about what?" She asked quietly as she picked them up and deposited the contents in her coffee.

Luke looked around nervously. "That," he said apologetically. "She dropped by to get something she'd been keeping at my place. For her mom's birthday."

Lorelai lowered her eyes. "Luke--"

"And you don't usually stop by before nine or so, so I figured--"

"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong." Lorelai lifted her mug to her lips and drank.

His eyes went to hers as she looked at him over the rim of the cup. "I'm sorry," he said anyway with a shrug.

Lorelai's eyes fell. They were both quiet for a few seconds. She put on a smile, looked at him. "Does she know who I am?"

He nodded. "She knows who you are."

"I mean does she kno--"

"She knows who you are," he repeated.

Lorelai nodded slowly as she held his gaze. "And she...?" She knew he'd know the rest.

He smiled. "She's okay. With everything."

Wow. Her mind drifted back to how taboo even Luke's _name_ had been in her relationship with Chris.

Lorelai nodded again, her attention moving behind him. "So, you talk about me?" She asked with fashioned playfulness.

He shrugged. "I don't shy away from the topic," he answered.

When he and Lorelai had begun talking again, he had told Elena about her. When he laid out the topic, there were questions from her. And everything she wanted to know, he told her. Both circumstances...and feelings. It took a while to get to the latter, but in healing from Lorelai, he had learned that that was one part of himself that he should not keep from his partner.

He knew that he had grown quite a bit. And in respect for the progress he had made, he made sure to keep himself open. Lorelai being back in his life had unearthed some things/thoughts, so he'd on many occasions, shared them with Elena.

Lorelai smiled with uneasiness. "Should I be on watch for her pulling a Nancy Kerrigan on me?"

Luke chuckled. "No, I think your knees are safe." He moved up and leaned on the countertop. He sighed peacefully before checking around them. "I don't know why you think I would, but there's nothing negative to say about you."

Lorelai looked into his eyes that were much closer since he'd leaned down. Luke met her eyes, then looked down. "You know...aside from your horrific food and beverage choices," he added. He stood up and looked at her again, finding her smiling.

"Do you think that...one day she and I can be friends?" She asked trying to contain amusement.

Luke nodded immediately. "Sure. And maybe I can call up Christopher and we can go shoot some hoops together."

Lorelai's eyes fell as she smiled. Luke shook his head. He extended his hand and lightly grasped her wrist as she held her mug. Her breathing halted, and she just stared at where he touched her. "Hey," he began, "I really am sorry about earlier, though. I wasn't trying to...it wasn't intentional," he ended.

Lorelai swallowed and looked up at him. He removed his hand, and only then was she able to find her voice. "I know it wasn't." She smiled. "You don't have to try to ease me into anything, Luke."

"I know," he said quietly.

They shared a long look.

"Excuse me, I need to place a to-go order," a customer said as she took a seat.

Luke and Lorelai both looked at her, then back at one another. Luke's eyebrows lifted. "I guess that's duty calling," he grumbled. Lorelai smiled.

"Hey, Luke," she called quietly. He turned back. She leaned up a little so he did too. She looked around before speaking closely to him. "Can you...uh, not..." She motioned toward her wrist, "...you know."

He leaned back up, looking at her in confusion. Her hand lay lightly over where he had touched her earlier, and his eyes widened in understanding. "Oh!" He exclaimed quietly. "I'm...sorry. I didn't mean to--"

Lorelai smiled. "No, it's just that it kind of makes me...and I know that that's not...so I don't want...ya know..."

He nodded quickly. "Of course. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Don't worry about it," she said lightly.

He shifted his eyes, then pointed to the customer. "Customer," he said.

Lorelai smiled, nodded. "To go order. You take," she said in a Tarzan fashion.

He rolled his eyes, and he seemed to relax a bit as he smiled and walked away.

Lorelai closed her eyes and sighed. She picked up her mug and finished off her coffee.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_...May 16_

"Sookie!"

Lorelai came into the inn's kitchen and pressed herself against the side wall dramatically. "I need a talk," she playfully whined.

Sookie clapped loudly at her staff. "Great job, guys. You guys are doing great, but I need you all to beat it. _Take five_," she said at the last minute. Then, she smiled broadly. "I've always wanted to say that," she said to Lorelai. The crew cleared the kitchen in under thirty seconds.

Lorelai drug herself over to a stool and slumped onto it. "Guess what he went and _did_!" She said wide-eyed.

Sookie smiled. "What'd he do?"

Lorelai wrapped a hand around her wrist. "He touched me."

"Did he at least make it count?" Sookie asked.

Lorelai laughed, then leaned on the island. She sobered and got semi-serious. "No, it was on my wrist."

"And that touch made you realize how over him you are, huh? And now you're here to tell me how you want nothing to do with him _ever_ again," Sookie said playfully.

She smiled. "Yeah, it totally made me want to vomit," she agreed with a roll of her eyes. Sookie laughed.

She went and pulled up a stool beside Lorelai and sat down with a sigh. "Okay. Let's get this worked out."

Lorelai sat up. "Well, first of all, I met Elena today, and--"

"Oh boy, maybe I should have told the crew to take 30." Lorelai chuckled quietly, and Sookie winked, encouraging her to continue. She tried to do things like this.

Knowing that the topic wasn't anything to take lightly did not stop Sookie from trying to keep it along those lines. Because Lorelai needed that. She had seen her at her lowest with the whole Luke thing, and she encouraged Lorelai to talk about her feelings in a way that wouldn't have her recoiling.

Some days were a little harder than others, and sometimes, the comedy had to be sacrificed. But Sookie gave her what she needed in the form of support. She'd point out the bright spot, and sometimes finding that spot was like trying to find Waldo in a sea of American flags. But it was always there, in one form or another.

Lorelai depended on her greatly, and considering all of the support she got from Sookie during her misguided relationship with Chris, she felt honored to have her as a friend. And even more happy to have her _completely _in her corner this time.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_June 19_

"This is ridiculous, Lorelai."

"What?" She asked as she came into the kitchen where Luke was.

"Have you not had anyone out doing household maintenance since you and I broke up?"

Lorelai rolled her eyes. She respected how she could hear him say that now and not feel any pangs. He could also say it around her without discomfort. That had to be improvement.

"It didn't need it, so no, I didn't have anyone else out."

He dropped his wrench in his toolbox on the floor. "I have known you over ten years. I have never gone a month without having to fix something in this house. You mean to tell me in the year that we weren't together, not one thing broke in here?"

She smiled. "That's what I'm telling you."

"So, the garbage disposal, the knob on the kitchen drawer, the gutters, which by the way I am _not _cleaning, the leg on your desk, the washing machine that seems to dance across the back porch, the refrigerator, and the banister..._just to name a few_...are all problems that--"

"That just now came about within the last 2 weeks," she said insistently.

He closed his toolbox and picked it up. "Okay, you obviously think I'm that kid that for an hour tries to jam the square block in the round hole."

"The determined one?"

"No, the one next to him. The stupid one."

He walked past her into the living room, and she followed.

"Luke, I'd never think that. Or at least I'd never _admit _to thinking that while I still had a year's worth of work to be finished."

He smiled and placed his toolbox at the base of the stairs. "Thought so."

She stopped near him and clasped her hands thoughtfully. "Okay, I guess next you can go upstairs and fix--"

"Unless Rupunzel's waiting up by the window to lower me safely to ground level, I'm not going upstairs for anything. I have to go."

She chuckled. "But you only fixed like 5 things."

He gave her a pointed look. "And how many did I _have _to fix?" He asked speaking of obligation.

"I'm sorry, you must be under the impression that you're speaking to a rational person here. Do you not remember who I am at all?"

"How can I forget? Reminders fly at me every day."

"One of the joys of having me in your life."

"Mmhm. Some call it joy, others call it--"

"What do others call it?" She asked stepping closer, almost like a challenge.

He laughed. She smiled, still trying to keep up the tough front. "I didn't...get a chance to read this far into the script, but I'm assuming this is where I get scared, right?"

She smiled wider. Her eyes looked up into his, and she was close. "Are you?"

"Scared?" He asked smiling. She nodded, her foot going to rest on the bottom step around him.

His eyes dropped to her raised knee off to the side of him. He pulled in his lips thoughtfully as he continued to look down. He and Lorelai had been friends before. Then, they had gotten together and had remained together for two years. And now they were friends again. Once he had free reign to touch her when he wanted to, he wondered how he had ever gone without it. There were times when he found it strange not to be able to reach out and kiss her or feel some part of her body.

"Nah, I'm not scared."

He had been with her. Had kissed and licked from the top of her head to her feet. Had made her writhe and moan and scream his name in ways he never thought possible.

"Really? I'm not threatening?"

He had been the receiver of the same treatment. He had never thought it was possible to go back to being only her friend. After being able to kiss her and touch her...after _doing _those things...how was it possible to revert back to friendship? To look at her and be only a friend to her?

"Yeah, your baby blues are downright menacing," he answered. She laughed. Backed off. Luke smiled.

This is something that he lived with. Something that he, on occasion, found humor in. She'd been back in his life for a while now. As his friend. And every once in a while, he'd get that urge, that desire that seemed way too damn natural. To just touch her. And he could do nothing but laugh. Because really, what else could he do? It was funny. It was funny in the humorless way.

"Well, it's not like yours would have somebody shaking in their boots," she retorted. Lorelai instantly recalled nights where she and Luke would spend hours on their sides. Talking. Staring. Touching. It was during one of these nights that he'd first said the 'L' word. And the first time ever that she had said it back to someone. And meant it.

Luke rolled his eyes. He sighed and leaned down to open his box. "I'm going to tighten this bottom rail, then I'm leaving."

"And coming back...?"

"Never." He started work on the rail.

"But you have to come back," she whined.

He shook his head. "I'll be back sometime on Friday. I can't spend too much time away from the diner with practically no help."

She smiled. "Friday is perfect. Will Elena mind?"

"No, she knows how needy you are, so I'm sure she'll be fine with it."

"Kiss my grits."

He smiled. "You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"I don't kiss my mother with _your _mouth."

"Since she hates my guts, I'm sure she's appreciative."

"She never got to thoroughly know your guts. If she did, she'd love you as much as I do..." She paused. "Um...did?" She offered.

Luke shook his head, still facing the railing. "Are you _asking _me?"

She smiled. "No, just need your input on which one would freak you out the least."

He smiled. "You know what would really freak me out?"

"What?"

"If you had some iced tea in that broken refrigerator of yours."

Lorelai's eyebrows lifted. "Well, prepare to be freaked," she said turning on her heel. She turned back instantly. "I didn't mean--"

Luke laughed. "Yeah, I got it," he interrupted. He turned and caught her eye before she smiled and turned toward the kitchen once again.

He took a deep breath and returned to his task.

Having Lorelai as an ex was unchartered.

He had hooked back up with Rachel after they'd broken up, but it was perfunctory. No reason _not _to, so why not? If he had been with someone at the time, no way would he have even thought about it. Nicole could bungee jump naked right into a wet dream of his, and all it'd do is mess up the whole damn dream. Whether he was single or not.

With Lorelai, sex used to be expression. Nothing but expression of how he felt about her.

And now she was his ex.

He had to laugh.

He had told her how he felt about her just five weeks ago. And she had rejected his feelings because they weren't up to the level of hers. She had spit at them. But Luke knew enough not to do the same. He had never carried such strong feelings around for anyone that he was not in a relationship with, and he had no idea of what could set them off and put him right back where he had started. Right back in love.

He tried hard to remember what made him fall for Lorelai the first time. What exactly made him fall. Because he was starting to believe that maybe it wasn't much. Maybe it was something simple. Basic. Maybe it was just hanging around with her. Maybe it was right at one hundred smiles that he was a goner. Or right at fifty-two hair flips.

He hoped not but feared so.

"Here you go," Lorelai said as she held out a glass of tea to him. Luke took it graciously and took a sip.

"It's good."

"It should be. You made it."

"No, I didn't," he said as he set the glass on the floor.

She laughed. "Yes, you did. I got a half gallon from the diner two days ago."

He looked up at her. "You stole it?"

"Of course not."

"So, you paid for it? With US currency?" Luke added quickly.

She smiled at how well he knew her. "More like...cy-ren-cur."

"Don't know why I'm asking but what's the difference in saying in backwards?"

"I _cy_ that you weren't looking, so I grabbed it and _ren_ straight to my _cur_."

Luke laughed. "You owe me $2.50." At that moment, his mobile rang. He heard it but had no idea where he had placed his phone.

Lorelai looked back. "You left it in the kitchen. I'll get it," she said as she jogged off and returned in no time. She gave it to him and went to sit on the couch.

"Hello...yeah, hey, I'm still at Lorelai's house...oh, did you?..." He laughed. Lorelai looked at him, then looked away. "...okay...okay..." Smile. He rolled his eyes, "...yeah, okay, we'll see..." Another laugh. "...okay...yeah...yeah...bye."

He ended the call and looked at Lorelai. He glanced at his phone, then back at her with a shrug. "Wrong number."

Lorelai smiled. "Whatever."

He smiled also and went back to work.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_July 1_

"Hey Luke."

Luke turned sideways at the open diner door. "Hey." He pointed to Lorelai's usual seat as he took his pen from behind his ear. "Go grab some stool. I'll be over in a sec."

"Okay. Hurry up, though. I'm jonesing."

He wrote the customer's order of eggs and pancakes down. "You're always jonesing," he yelled over to her.

"Not true. Sometimes I'm simply Gilmoreing. I'm not always trying to keep up with them."

He picked up his coffee pot from the table, topped off the customer's coffee, then made his way back around the counter. He immediately reached for Lorelai's signature mug and filled it for her.

"Thank you."

"Welcome." He turned, got a plate that had just been set in the window, and placed it in front of someone at the counter.

Lorelai followed him with her eyes. When he looked at her, she smiled. Clearing her throat, she said, "I like your hat."

Luke stilled. Made a move to touch it but stopped midway and dropped his hand. "Yeah...thanks."

Lorelai looked into her mug. "Gift?"

"Kind of. I'm just wearing it today because she--"

"Elena?"

Pause. "Yeah...uh, she just got it so I didn't want to be rude or anything." He took a moment and looked at her. Her eyes were still dropped and she watched the steam come from her cup quietly. He closed his eyes briefly. He focused on her again and put on a smile. "But just between you and me, it's really not my taste."

She looked up at him, her eyes bright. He went on. "Green isn't exactly my color, and let's face it, blue goes with a lot more, ya know? I felt like you this morning--going through _shirt after shirt after shirt _for something that would match this hat. And I didn't see the appeal at all. It made me aggravated and late...and Kirk was standing outside. I mean, he could have frozen to death with all of my indecision."

Lorelai smiled. Shook her head. "It's like 65 degrees in the morning time now," she replied.

"Well, either way, I like Kirk way too much to put him through that. Tomorrow..." He made a sweeping gesture with his hand, "...it's back to blue."

Lorelai stared at him, and he dropped his eyes. Her smile widened. "You're really not helping. You know that, right?"

He sighed and looked at her. "I know I'm not. I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She shook her head lightly. "Don't be. You're totally being you. It's not your fault."

He nodded. Of course he knew it wasn't his fault, but he continually apologized. Lorelai was obviously still in love with him, and he didn't want to make the situation worse, but that's what it seemed he was always doing. Trying to protect her from further hurt was only him easing pain in one area while causing greater pain in the area of her heart.

"Um, you want some pancakes or something?"

Lorelai worked hard to push her thoughts aside. "Please. Stacked high and slathered in cholesterol if you don't mind."

He looked at her pointedly. "What if I do mind?"

"Then you can work out that conflict on your way to getting my food."

He rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Hey Lorelai."

Lorelai turned and smiled. "Hello Kirk."

He took a seat next to her. "You know, despite your reclaim of my stool, it's nice to come in here and see you everyday."

"Well, it's nice to see you too, Kirk." She sipped her coffee, then focused on him as she set it down. "How's Lulu?"

"Lulu's great. She got a paper cut Friday, though. Perils of teacherhood, I guess."

She smiled. "But other than that, everything's going good with you two?" Lorelai came to see that by not coming to _Luke's _when she was with Chris, she was losing contact with the town. When she had begun to visit again, realization set in on how much she had missed. Small chit-chat. Laughter and gossip. Her new life had placed her far out of the loop. _Luke's _was a big part of her Stars Hollow life.

Kirk answered her. "Yeah, everything's going pretty good. I'm thinking of taking her to France for our mid-anniversary."

"Mid-anniversary?"

"It's the halfway mark of when we first went out. It keeps Lulu's spirits up for the big one."

"That's sweet." She took another sip of her coffee. "Why France?"

"Paris. City of love. You went there, and got married there too. Wasn't it romantic?"

Luke came from the back on the tail end of Kirk's words. "Wasn't what romantic?" He asked.

Kirk turned attention to Luke. "I was asking Lorelai if it was romantic when she got married to Rory's father in France," he answered without delay.

Luke's eyes went to Lorelai, and she smiled at him uncomfortably before looking at Kirk. "Um...it was..." She smiled even more in her discomfort. "...okay," she said, finally finding a word.

"Just okay?" Asked Kirk undauntedly. "The way I see it, you had to be head over heels in love to do something like that. That should be more than 'okay'."

Lorelai took a breath, losing her smile. Luke cleared his throat. "Kirk," he began, "Maybe you nee--"

Lorelai held up a hand, stopping him. She smiled at him genuinely before looking at Kirk. "I was in love, Kirk." She paused, not bothering to look at Luke. "I was very in love...with the setting. It was extremely romantic, and I think it's nice that you want to take Lulu there. Just make sure you're clear on how you both feel about each other before you go. Because any decision you make will be permanent. And will be very real when you _leave_...the city of love."

There were seconds of silence between the three of them.

Kirk looked from Lorelai to Luke. "I was thinking about proposing to her. That way, if she says yes, we can start planning, then get married on the day of our first date."

They both looked at him. Lorelai smiled. "That's great, Kirk."

"I'll say. It's about time. It's not like you're about to do any better than--" Lorelai threw Luke a look, and he stopped. "I'm happy for you, Kirk," he said instead.

Kirk smiled. "Thanks. I'm a little nervous about it though. I really want to make it special because this may be the only proposal she ever gets." Lorelai chuckled.

Luke lightly hit the countertop. "Hey, heads up. Behind you."

Kirk turned and felt Lulu's arms wrap around his neck. "Hey, you," she said happily.

He smiled and tossed nervous glances to Luke and Lorelai before directing Lulu onto the stool beside him. They picked up a conversation of their own.

Luke looked at Lorelai, and she looked back at him.

"More coffee?"

"Of course."

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_July 28_

"Allo," Lorelai answered. She laid the phone on her shoulder and held it with her cheek as she put on her shoe. "Hey, Sook. What's up?"

"Hey, Honey. How are you doing on your day off?"

Lorelai smiled, sighed as she finished fixing her shoe. "Good. I'm going to lunch with Luke."

"At _Luke's_?"

"No, _with _Luke."

"Like a date?"

"No, Sook, like a lunch. I'm hungry, so we're going out."

Pause. "Like a date?" she asked again.

Lorelai laughed. "Sookie, this isn't a date. We're going to lunch. Just like you and I do all the time."

"You and I are different, Lorelai. Do you think this is a good idea?"

"What, me eating? I'd say it's a pretty good idea. With a big Tracey Gold signature stamped on it."

Sookie sighed. "Okay," she conceded.

Lorelai quieted. "Sookie, I know you're worrying about me. And to be completely honest with you, I know that maybe spending this kind of time with him is not the best decision in the world. But I can't _not _do it."

"Where are you two going?"

"He's taking me to _Sniffy's_."

"You guys' restaurant," Sookie said knowingly, with all kinds of subtext.

Lorelai rolled her eyes, picking up on every bit of it. "Yeah, our restaurant. And it's nothing romantic. I know that. I think it's great that he even wants to take me there. I mean, Sook, I didn't write or read a book on this. I don't know what the protocol is for being only a friend to this man. It's taking all I can do not to kiss him when he's standing there in front of me. I can identify that as taboo. I know how close I can stand to him before my knees start to feel weak. And I know how far to take banter before it becomes flirtatious. These are things that I'm having to learn and things I can identify.

But when it comes to going to a restaurant, I don't know. I know what the restaurant represents, but he asked me to go, so I'm going. And if I go today and feel a million things inside of me come alive, then I'll know to mark this on my list as something we _can't _do. I told you before, I want him in my life. I need his friendship, and I'm trying to see what all that friendship can entail. A lot of this is going to have to be live and learn for me. I don't want to do the whole pigeon hole thing, assuming that it's something we or _I_ can't take. Please understand that. Mistakes probably will be made, and you'll hear about it because you volunteered your shoulder. But this is where we are right now. And, I for one, am happy about that."

Sookie smiled on her end. Lorelai seemed to be doing a lot better, and she hoped that it was a _healthy _kind of better. And not the kind that had her sitting around thinking Luke's relationship was crumbling.

"Well, as long as you're happy, then I'm good to go. You know I just worry about you. That's all."

"I know you do, Hon." She stood up. "Well, I have to get going. I only have Luke until 4. Then, Elena and I tag hands and she takes him for the evening." She chuckled.

"She doesn't mind the time Luke spends with you?" Sookie asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "Apparently not. She knows when he's with me. He tells her."

"Wow."

"I know." Pause. "She knows that Luke and I were friends for 8 years before getting together. She really respects that," she added quietly.

"Well, that's...nice."

There was a pause. "She seems pretty great, huh?"

Sookie shook her head. "Nope," she answered.

Lorelai smiled. "I knew you were my best friend for a reason."

"It's you and me against the world, Honey."

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_...July 28_

"Well, well, well, look who we have here. Buddy!"

Lorelai smiled at Maisy. "Long time, huh, Maisy?"

"It has definitely been too long." She turned and yelled again. "Buddy, get out here and speak to Lorelai!"

"Lorelai's here?" They heard him yell from the back.

Lorelai looked over at Luke with a grin, and he winked at her.

"That's what I just said, now come on before she realizes we're just two old bags and decides to leave on us again."

Lorelai shook her head amusedly. The kitchen door swung open, and out walked Buddy as he took off an apron and deposited it on the countertop. "Well, I'll be," he said, arms wide in surprise.

He walked over and pulled Lorelai gently by her hand until she was standing. "Got a hug for an old battleaxe?"

Lorelai smiled as she hugged him. "No, I don't. But I have a big one for _you_, though."

Maisy leaned close. "His head is big enough, Dear. No need of blowin' it up more."

Buddy stepped back and tossed a look at his wife. "So, to what do we owe this surprise?" He asked as he kindly directed Lorelai back in her seat.

Luke shrugged. "Just here for some food."

"And some _very missed _company," Lorelai said as she gestured toward the two of them.

Maisy smiled down at her adoringly. "Just as sweet as ever, I see." She sighed. "We have missed you something terrible, Sweetheart."

Buddy grinned. "That's right, Honey, lay it on reeeeal thick. Don't want her disappearing again."

"Oh, hush, Buddy," she said causing everyone to chuckle. Maisy lightly pushed at Buddy's shoulder. "Okay, we'll let you guys have a few minutes alone while we go whip you up the house special." Buddy nodded and turned.

"Cindy!" He yelled to the waitress. She looked over at him. "Bring Luke and Lorelai something to drink, will ya?"

Cindy stretched her neck. "Lorelai's here?"

Lorelai smiled and waved.

"Hey, Lorelai!" Yelled Cindy. "I'll be over in a sec, Honey."

She nodded. Turned attention to Luke.

Luke smiled. "So, you've been here before?" He asked playfully.

She laughed. "A few times," she answered anyway as she dropped her eyes.

He leaned toward her. "Is it weird? Are you okay?"

Lorelai nodded quickly. "It's great." She paused. "Feels like home."

Luke looked down.

Slowly, they returned their eyes to one another. Lorelai smiled. Luke cleared his throat. "You know, I can't begin to tell you how good it feels to see you smiling like that."

She nodded slowly, her smile widening. "Really?"

He smiled fully at her. "Yeah. Feels really good." He paused, losing a little of his smile. "You were so sad last year. And I didn't notice. I have a hard time understanding that."

She lowered her gaze. Shrugged. "You were preoccupied."

"Not an excuse."

She looked at him, his serious gaze.

"Lorelai! Hey, girl, get up and give me a hug!" Cindy interrupted. She set their drinks on the table. Lorelai laughed and stood. They embraced, bouncing up and down slightly. Once they separated, Lorelai leaned on the booth. "Goodness, how long has it been?" Cindy asked.

Lorelai shrugged, looked at Luke. "I don't know, a year?"

"A year is right!" She said as she looked her up and down. "And you still look so good. Jeez, can you get _fat _already!" She exclaimed causing Lorelai to laugh. "I'm just hitting thirty and you look better than me, and I actually _try _to stay fit!"

"What are you talking about? You look amazing!" Lorelai said truthfully.

Luke rolled his eyes. This was one conversation that he could go his whole life without hearing. He couldn't understand women if he tried. He tuned them out. By the time he came back to the present, Lorelai was sitting down as Maisy and Buddy placed big, hot plates of food in front of both of them.

He wondered briefly how long had they been talking.

Luke adjusted his napkin as Lorelai's fork moved to his plate to take some of his chicken pieces. He looked up briefly, not paying the act much attention. "Good conversation?" He asked as he retrieved his own fork.

Lorelai nodded and slid her plate near him. He took her grilled tomatoes. "Great conversation. I didn't realize how much I had missed this place." She pulled her plate back, then picked up an excess tomato with her fork and placed it on his plate.

She smiled. "She said that you hadn't brought anyone else here."

Luke's attention was on his food. "Who else would I bring here?"

"Duh. Elena," she said as she took a bite of chicken.

He rolled his eyes. "I'd be hard-pressed to find a replacement for you in this place."

Lorelai nodded. "I guess. But outside of these walls, it's pretty easy, huh?"

He looked at her dully. "Lorelai."

"Sorry," she said quickly. She closed her eyes, smiled a little in embarrassment. "I don't know where that came from, Luke. I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "So...how's your chicken?"

She smiled, lifted her fork with a piece on it. "I love it."

"Good."

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_August 25_

Once the door to _Doose's _had been pulled open for her, Lorelai stepped inside. She sighed.

"Okay, you go this way, I'll go that way," Darrell said pointing. "We'll meet at the register." She smiled and nodded as she picked up a basket. She walked right over to where she saw Luke standing in the bread aisle. He was looking at her, then at the guy she had entered with.

"Hey," he said as she approached him.

"Hey to you too. What are you doing here?" She asked casually as she grabbed some Little Debbies and threw them in her basket. Her eyes went to Darrell who was tossing things into his basket quickly, then back to Luke as she leaned on her leg.

Luke held up a loaf of bread. "Thought I'd grab some bread before Taylor closed," he answered.

"Oh. Toast?"

"Grilled cheese."

She nodded. "Kewl."

He smiled. Cleared his throat. "On a date?" He asked, taking in her attire.

She looked down at herself, then back at him. "Yeah. We just stopped in to get some condoms."

His eyes narrowed at her, then went to the floor uncomfortably. He looked back up at her soft laughter. "On what planet do you think I would actually tell you that?" She asked.

He swallowed and looked at her little by little. "So, you're not getting...?" He gave her a knowing look.

She smiled. "If I were, would you be jealous?"

He rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't want to _know_."

"Because you'd be jealous?"

"Because I wouldn't want to know. It's none of my business."

Lorelai looked at him for a moment, smiling slightly. "Well, since you did inquire, no I'm not getting any. In every sense of the word." Luke shook his head. "We were going to see a movie, but it was sold out, so Darrell--that's his name--suggested we just go back to my place and watch some of my movies." She held up her basket. "This is just a food pit stop."

Luke looked back at the guy. "He suggested it?" He asked.

"Yeah."

He moved in a little closer, spoke quietly. "And how much do you know about this guy?"

Lorelai smiled. She looked into his face for a moment before lightly placing her hand on his chest and stepping back, pushing him at the same time. Luke released a breath. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. He kept forgetting about the closeness thing. Lorelai had told him many times that she couldn't really take it.

She exhaled, getting her thoughts back. "It's okay. And I can take care of myself, Luke. I'm not a child."

His eyes widened. "I know you're not a child, but I don't think a first date is the time to be bringing a stranger back to your house when you live alone. This guy can be a _lunatic_."

Lorelai smiled at how he just assumed that it was a _first _date. "Well, now you've seen him well enough to maybe get a pretty decent sketch made. So, if you don't see me for a few days and suddenly there's an odor coming my hou--"

"That's not funny," he said quickly.

Lorelai chuckled. "Luke, you--"

"Hey, everything okay over here?" Luke turned and faced Darrell who had come up behind him.

"Everything's fine," Luke said with attitude. Lorelai's eyes widened and she smiled without meaning to. "What, do you think she's in _danger_?" He asked. "She knows me," Luke said pointing to himself. "She's known me for over a decade. How long has she known you?"

Darrell's mouth opened and closed nervously as he looked to Lorelai in confusion. When had this turned into some sort of a confrontation?

Luke pointed at the guy, and his finger twirled in his face. "You just remember I know _exactly _what you look like." Lorelai withheld laughter. "...so you just tread lightly, Buddy."

He snatched up another loaf of bread, though he only needed one, and went to the register. Lorelai turned and watched him walk away, only to give herself a few more seconds to reel in her laughter. She turned back to Darrell. "I'm sorry about that. He's just..." She shook her head, lost for words. "Let's just grab some more stuff and get out of here."

Darrell sat his basket on the floor calmly. "You know what? I, uh, think I'm good. I'll see you around." He nodded at her quickly then headed for the door.

Lorelai's mouth fell open, and she turned to Luke at the register. "Look what you did!"

Luke looked up and saw what Lorelai was referring to. He shrugged. Good riddance. "His leaving only makes him look guilty. He was probably up to something. So, you are _welcome_," he said without apology. He got his bag and tossed her a smile before leaving the store casually as if he hadn't completely just messed up Lorelai's date. Lorelai shook her head as she watched his departure.

She set her basket on the floor and took out her cellular as she walked toward the door. "Sookie, I hope you're up," she mumbled with a smile.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_August 26_

"Stop smiling like that."

"Like what?" Lorelai asked, cheesing even more.

"Like that," Sookie answered, pointing an accusatory finger at Lorelai's lips.

Lorelai slumped tiredly on her sofa and spoke into the phone to Rory. "Honey, Sookie's seeing things again. Let's have her committed."

"Why would we do that? She's being honest."

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "How would you know? You're not even in the room."

"I don't have to be. I can hear it in your voice. The moment you started recalling the _Doose's _incident, I could almost see you smiling like you were about to do an Ovaltine commercial."

"Ya know, it's gonna be hard. No doubt about that, but I think I'm going to have to commit you with the crazy lady in front of me." Sookie rolled her eyes, smiling. Lorelai looked at her as she sat across from her and she was able to see Sookie's expression flip back to serious.

"Oh, boy," Lorelai grumbled. "Okay, Baby, Mommy has to go. It looks like it's time for Sookie to talk me down from the imaginary ledge she thinks I'm up on right now."

Sookie giggled, losing her stern quality. "Hush," she said.

Lorelai laughed. Took a breath. "Seriously, Hon, I know you're a big, important, busy journalist now. So, I'm gonna let you go so you can go make Christiane Amanpour shake in her boots."

Rory laughed. "When you picture this, do you see me with some sort of weapon in my hand?"

Lorelai smiled. Rory's confidence often got shaken while she was on the road, but she was learning a lot, and she'd even managed to impress her editor with one of her pieces. Rory didn't see it as that big of an accomplishment, but Lorelai made sure she knew how proud she was of her.

"Hey, when you guys get to Philadelphia, you make sure you get me an autograph, okay?"

Rory sighed. "Mom."

"Seriously, Rory. I know a celebrity now. And when people doubt that I had a very personal hate/hate relationship with this individual, I want to have proof that I knew him."

Rory laughed. "Mom. I. Told. You. A. Million. And. One. Times. Jess was _not _in a music video!" She said.

"He totally was! Oh my go--Rory you are very much in denial about this."

"He looked nothing like that guy."

"On what planet?! Jess was in that video tatted up and making the Black Eyed Pea princess take a midnight train to Georgia."

"Oh, jeez, Mom, I am getting so tired of having this same argument with you. It's exhausting!"

"Well, it wouldn't be if you just took off your beer goggles and realized that your ex bo hit the gym for a day then decided to go Pop."

"Soooo exhaustiiiing," Rory playfully whined.

"Yeah, whatever. You just make sure you get me my autograph, Missy."

"Okay. _If _I happen to see Jess, I'll fill him in, then I'll give him something to sign, and we'll see what he writes on it. Deal?"

"Forget it, I'll get it from him myself. Can I borrow that weapon that was scaring poor Ms. Amanpour?"

"It's already gone. It was taken from me, and then she was the one that covered my trial and reported my imprisonment. Breaking news."

"Doesn't seem to be her area of expertise. Didn't know it was that serious."

"Well, when you mess with Amanpour, you get dealt with personally."

"So, now you're in jail."

"Another mugshot for the fridge."

"Making Mommy proud one conviction at a time."

"All it takes is effort. It saddens me but I suppose something needs to fill out the pages of my memoirs."

"Behold the greater good. Just remember, Baby...Big Girls Don't Cry."

Rory rolled her eyes. "How long were you waiting to say that?"

"Oh my god! So long! Thanks for finally setting it up for me."

"My pleasure." Rory took note of the time. "Okay, Mom, I have to get out of here, but I'll look into that autograph thing for you, okay?"

Lorelai smiled. "Okay. Bye, Babe. Love you."

"Back atcha. I'll give you a call sometime tonight."

"You better."

They both hung up.

Sookie walked back into the living room with a tall glass of lemonade. She had left them to their conversation midway through.

"Ooh, thanks, Sookie," Lorelai said sitting up and reaching for the glass.

Sookie moved it from her reach. "I walked all the way in there on swollen ankles and took time to pour this. I love you, but Honey, you are not getting this treasure," she said as she sat down and took a large sip. Lorelai laughed and sat up fully.

"Darn you and your pregnancy," she complained playfully. "Guess I can go get my own." She smiled. "Should I go now or do you want to start the de-programming?"

"It's not de-programming," Sookie said with a light giggle. She set her glass down. "You just seem excited. _Really really_ excited. And I don't want you getting your hopes up just for them to be dashed at the end of the day."

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Sookie, I had a date."

"I know. I was there when the drooling man asked you out." They both laughed.

"Yeah, you were there. So, you know even more that I HAD A DATE. A real date. A date that I was actually looking forward to. I mean, the guy was _extremely _hot."

"Yes, he was," Sookie said knowingly in remembrance.

"It's not like I'm sitting around waiting for Luke to see me. I'm moving on and dating extremely hot, drooling guys." She smiled. "I'm...doing this. Living. And moving on."

"Lorelai, you getting happy about Luke throwing ice on your evening probably isn't the quintessence of moving on." Lorelai sighed and dropped her head. Sookie went on, making it clear she wasn't there to discourage. "I mean you know I want you and Luke together. I wanted it even before _you_ wanted it," she said chuckling. "And if I could bop Luke with a wand and make him love you again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But Lorelai, you've made such progress. And I'd hate to see you get knocked off course by this possible fluke from Luke."

Lorelai smiled. "Fluke from Luke?"

"Fluke from Luke," Sookie confirmed giggling.

Lorelai's amusement faded after a few moments. "I'm not getting knocked off, Sook. I'm just allowing myself to _feel _this. I would love to have gotten upset with him for doing what he did, but I couldn't. I mean, it was _really _cute. It's not like I have feelings for Darren and--"

"The guy's name is Darrell, Lorelai."

"What'd I say?"

"Darren!"

She waved her hand. "Whatever. You get my point."

"Oh Jesus," Sookie whispered.

"But I don't care about Darrell. And since my feelings for Luke have become a major constant, guess what I'm going to focus on when he cares enough to run the guy off." She laughed as Sookie rolled her eyes. "It just feels really good, Sookie. I mean, _extremely _good."

She paused and shook her head at Sookie's silence. "You've fallen in love _once_. With Jackson. Everything else that you thought was love became a joke when you fell in _true _love..._with Jackson_. And you've never lost that. I would never want you to either, but I'm here to tell you that that's the only way you can really understand where I'm coming from with this." She spread her hands. "I messed up. WE messed up...and our relationship is over. Luke and me are no more. Whatever. And as much as I'd love not to be in love with him, it's not going away. So, if I find myself getting happy about a meaningless _Doose's_ tirade, then it's okay. I'm okay with that. And you can feel okay with that too because though I can't help but still feel that tiny flicker of hope, I'm still going to pick up and move on when that flicker dies away. Because I'm not stupid. I know that it's _going _to die away," she ended, sounding much more sad.

She smiled anyway. "Just let me have this." Her smile was genuine. "I pray I'm not coming off as pitiful to you because _I don't want to be viewed as pitiful_," she said chuckling. "But...I'm good," she said simply, as if that was the best word she could have chosen. "I promise you, Honey. I. Am. Good."

Sookie looked at her for a moment. A smile slowly came across her face. "So, you're good?"

Lorelai smiled further. "I am."

Sookie nodded, picked her glass back up. "Okay." She pointed to the kitchen. "You can go get your lemonade now."

"You sure?" Lorelai asked playfully. "Nothing else you want to squeeze in there?"

"Nope, my work here is done."

Lorelai stood and started walking toward the kitchen. "Good. Now, let's talk about the look on Darrell's face!" She yelled back. "It was priceless. And Luke--"

Sookie smiled as Lorelai continued to talk. She stood back up and followed her into the kitchen.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_September 12_

"Michel."

"And then I will turn into that child character that got sucked up into the large tube in the pool of chocolate."

"_Michel_."

"Do you know how long it took me to work off that burger the last time I was here?"

"Oh my god! Michel!" Lorelai stopped walking and grasped Michel's arm, stopping him as well. "I'm assuming, giving where you're from, you've seen a crêpe before, right? Well, if you haven't let me explain it to you. They're flat. Flatter than a pancake. They're a thin french thing that has been flattened into nothingness. Can you see it? Do you have a decent picture of one?" Michel rolled his eyes. "Well, if you see it, then you have a very good idea of what my nerves look like. You have been doing that Riverdance thing on them for the past half hour. Please..._stop it_!" She finished quickly.

He folded his arms and looked at the people that walked around them on the sidewalk in front of _Luke's_.

Lorelai released him. "Now, I told you. You don't have to get a burger. Luke has plenty of other selections that are much healthier. Get a salad or something."

"While I watch you tear through some unfortunate land animal's flesh?" Lorelai frowned in disgust. "I am only human, and the temptation will be too high."

She frowned further. "Even with the gross phrasing?" She asked. He looked at her and rolled his eyes with a pout. Lorelai sighed and took hold of his arm, pulling him toward the diner. "Suck it up, Michel. I'm treating you to lunch, so show a little gratitude."

"Okay! Okay!" He said as he pulled himself free. "No need to manhandle. This is not a JC Penny markdown you are wrinkling here." He straightened his clothes and moved around her, leading the way inside of the diner.

Lorelai followed him inside, and they both went to one of the empty tables. Michel sat down and Lorelai deposited her jacket on the back of the chair before heading up to the counter. "Hey, Caesar," she greeted. He was filling someone's coffee mug.

"Hey Lorelai."

Lorelai smiled. "Got an order for you, Sweetie."

"Shoot."

"Coffee, coffee, extra coffee, a bottled water, and when you get a chance bring us a couple of burgers over there too. One with extra leafy stuff and a side salad for guilt release."

He chuckled. "Okay, it'll be up in a second."

"Thanks, Hon." She looked around before getting ready to walk back. "Hey, where's the man in charge?"

"You're looking at him," he said playfully.

Lorelai smiled. "Okay, where's the man who pays all the bills?"

"_Ooohhh_!" He exclaimed goofily. "Okay, _he's_ upstairs." He smiled. "I think he's taking a break or something."

"Cool." Lorelai turned and went back over to Michel. She knelt down in front of him. "I'll be right back. Don't talk to any strangers, okay?"

Michel glared at her, and she laughed and stood up, blowing him a playful kiss. He rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the window as Lorelai left the area and headed toward the curtain. She pulled it aside and walked behind it, allowing bright light to shine up the stairwell.

She stopped instantly, one foot on the bottom step.

Luke was leaning against the side wall halfway up the stairs, and he was holding Elena lightly by her waist as she stood close to him. They both turned to look at her, startled.

Elena smiled and greeted her, and Luke gently pushed her away. Elena's attention went back to him in confusion at the sudden separation. She seemed to dismiss it quickly, though, as she smiled again and walked down the stairs toward where Lorelai still stood.

Lorelai started to speak. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to--"

"No, you're fine," Elena answered casually. "Don't mind us." She continued down the stairs and moved past Lorelai, placing her hand on her shoulder as she passed. "He's all yours, Honey," she said as she winked. "I'm on my way out." She turned back suddenly. "Oh, my jacket," she mumbled as she headed back up the stairs.

Luke stepped to the side a bit to allow her room to pass, his eyes on Lorelai. Lorelai had backed up a little and now stood directly in front of the curtain. Not exactly finding a comfortable place to set her eyes, they went automatically to the avoidance point. Luke. She smiled faintly, dim lighting in the stairwell allowing her to see him. And he, her.

She shrugged. "I didn't need anything. I just...wanted...to, uh, come up and speak...I guess."

Luke swallowed, providing an awkward nod at the same time. "Okay." His hand lifted from the banister. "Hey," he said tossing a wave.

Lorelai smiled. Gave him the same wave. "Hi."

Luke sighed and made a move as if he was getting ready to descend. "Liste--"

He stopped and turned back at hearing Elena coming back down.

"I don't know _where _I was going without this. It's chilly out there," she said as she slipped her other arm in her jacket. She smiled at the two of them, not picking up on the obvious discomfort. "I'm gone for real this time," she said getting ready to pass Luke on the stairwell. "One for the road," she whispered as she stopped and moved in with her lips puckered.

"Uh," Luke mumbled quickly before moving into her even more. His chin went to her shoulder as he, instead, offered a light, wayward hug. Elena didn't participate in the hug, which didn't surprise Luke since it had come unexpected. She kind of froze in place, and Luke imagined that her lips were still puckered over his shoulder. She was still. No doubt confused and maybe a little taken aback as well. He closed his eyes, wishing he could rewind time just by five seconds. He could have the moment back and maybe make a better choice. A different one. One with a _pittance _of thought behind it.

The three seconds they 'embraced' were like minutes.

Finally, Luke pulled away. Risked seeing the look on her face. When he was able to see her features, his eyes widened and he smiled in confusion. Because she was smiling...as she looked at him with knitted brows.

"What was that?" She asked, laughing. "Goodness." She looked down the stairwell at Lorelai, then back at him. "I'm sure it's nothing she hasn't seen before, Luke. Relax." She placed a hand under his chin and pulled him in, giving him a real kiss.

Lorelai's eyes went to the floor, Luke's hands to Elena's arms. He held her firm as he pulled his head away, breaking the kiss audibly. His eyes went instantly down to Lorelai, then back up to Elena once common sense kicked in and told him to redirect focus.

"Hey," he said quietly as he worked on smiling for her, "you better get going, okay." He moved in and kissed her high on her cheek. Elena didn't appear upset. The look she wore showed worry. When he gave her the soft kiss, she smiled and nodded at him before continuing down the stairs.

She offered a final fairwell to Lorelai and then disappeared on the other side of the curtain, leaving Luke and Lorelai alone.

Lorelai's eyes remained on the ground. Seconds went by and neither spoke. Hearing Luke's footsteps on the stairs, she looked up and saw him coming down. He made it to the bottom and stopped in front of her. Her eyes were on his, and he looked at her as he moved a hand to the curtain over her head, pulling it aside. She continued to look at him, and he motioned for her to exit.

"Oh, sorry," she whispered as she turned quickly and entered the dining area, followed by Luke. She headed back over to her table.

"You ordered?" Luke asked loudly as he walked behind the counter.

Lorelai turned slightly. "Yeah. Caesar's on it. Thanks."

Luke nodded. "Watch where you're going," he said nodding his head at her backward movement.

"What?" She asked.

Her foot got caught on a woman's purse strap, and her hands flew in the air as she twisted her body. A man just coming into the diner moved quickly and caught her before she could fall. He helped her to get vertical again, and once she thanked him and confirmed that she was okay, her attention went back to Luke. He shook his head.

"I said _watch where you're going_," he finally answered.

She smiled a little and turned her attention to the floor. "Thanks," she replied.

Luke watched her as she went and took a seat with Michel. He sighed. "No problem," he said under his breath.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_...September 12_

Lorelai had had lunch with Michel with virtually no undercurrents of preoccupation.

Instead of going straight back to the inn afterward, she and Michel parted ways as she went on a short walk. To clear her head.

Knowing Luke was in an intimate relationship was one thing entirely. But having to see a small part of that..._again _was another. The last time she'd seen it was the night in Hartford. Surprisingly. She hadn't seen so much as a kiss since that night. And she had no complaints about that either. The less she saw, the better.

She wanted to give herself time to sort through emotions that she could feel rising to the surface. Sookie still helped her in sorting, but for the most part, it was becoming something that she was learning to deal with on her own.

Returning to the inn a half hour after Michel did, she continued on with her job normally. When smiles were needed, smiles were offered. Her mind wasn't fixating, and to her, that was a sure sign of progress. To have seen Luke and Elena kiss and not obsess about it was definitely a step in the right direction.

Pain was undoubtedly still felt, but she was finally learning how to not let it engulf her. For that, she was grateful.

When the day came to an end, around 7 that evening, she went home.

She saw his truck before she had even pulled into her driveway. She spotted him several seconds after that as she drove up.

Luke had a rake and was using it to assemble the many leaves that had fallen around her house.

Lorelai smiled as she came to a stop and put her jeep in Park. For several seconds she sat just watching him.

He stopped working and looked up at her. Lorelai chuckled at the perplexed look he wore, and she opened the door and stepped outside, leaving her things behind.

Her smile widened more. "You're raking my leaves," she said as she approached him.

Luke looked down at the pile of leaves, then back at her. "I guess I am."

She stopped in front of him and stuck her hands in her jacket pockets. "Why?"

He shrugged and moved his hand to the top of the rake. "It needed it. You could barely tell you had a lawn."

Lorelai looked down to the leaves. From the looks of the yard, it looked like he had been at it for a while. She reached out and took hold of the rake, gently taking it from him. "You're sweet for doing this."

He shrugged. "I needed to talk to you. Started to go to the inn, but then I just figured I'd come and wait 'til you got home. Saw the mess that _is your yard_ so I got a rake. It's nothing to throw a parade over."

She set the rake against the porch. "Well, it's too late. The floats are already on backorder."

He smiled. "How'd the tea party thing go?" He asked, referring to the small gathering that she had told him would place at the inn that afternoon.

Lorelai took a breath. "Better than Boston's," she answered.

"I guess that's a good thing."

She smiled. Looked around. "You want to go inside…to talk?"

Luke turned and looked at the front door briefly. "Nah, we don't have to. It's not that big." He looked at her. Lorelai smiled, seeing the question in his features.

"I'm okay, Luke," she said.

He nodded, still looking at her. Diverting his eyes, he gestured toward her porch. "Wanna sit?"

"Sure."

They went over and took a seat on the top step, side by side.

Lorelai took a breath, looked down to her fingers. "Is this a serious kind of sit or just a normal sit?" She asked playfully.

He smiled, looked at her profile for a second. "It's just a sit," he answered.

She looked at him, a smile forming on her lips. "My favorite kind." Luke nodded genially and looked away. Lorelai could see his eyes moving from point to point in the yard, something on his mind. It was amazing at how well she knew him. "Luke, what happened earlier…you don't have to do that. You don't."

His eyes froze in one place.

She continued to look up at him. "I just wanted you to know that."

Lowering his gaze to his hands, he stretched his fingers pensively. "Are you…still…"

Lorelai never took her eyes off of him. She smiled. "Do I still have feelings for you?" She offered quietly.

He slowed the movement of his fingers, but he didn't lift his eyes. Just continued to look down. "Yeah," he answered after a moment.

She took a light breath, shook her head slightly at the question, itself. "Of course I do, Luke."

He nodded, flexing his jaw over and over. Finally he looked at her. "Then, what happened earlier, I had to do that."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes." He paused for settlement of the word. "I did." He shook his head. "I know what it's like to feel…a certain way about somebody and then have to watch them be with somebody else. And it doesn't feel good. I'd never do that to you."

Lorelai shook her head. "Luke, this is real life. These are the circumstances. I'm living with that. You can't stop living your life because you're trying to protect me."

"I'd never do that to you," he repeated obstinately. He paused. "I couldn't."

Lorelai's eyes bored into his. "Well you're not really moving on, then, are you?"

He gave an amused chuckle, dropping his eyes. "I'm really trying to."

There was a small silence. "You're having to try?" More silence. "_I_ had to try. I wouldn't recommend it."

He shook his head. "I didn't mean it like that. I just…" He shook his head again. Looked at her. "I don't really know how to do this." He paused and they just looked at one another. "I've had girlfriends…a _wife_," he added with a small laugh. "I've had exes. But I've never had this," he said motioning between them. "What you mean to me is…" His voice drifted away.

Lorelai's eyes watered, and she smiled. "And what do I mean to you?" She asked softly. She waited, knowing what she _wanted_ to hear coming from his lips.

He smiled. "You're my best friend, Lorelai. You know that," he said quietly. He was silent for a moment. "But I'm in this relationship, and I feel like I'm messing up." He paused. "I try to stay open with Elena. Talk. Because I'm really not in a rush to screw up another relationship." He looked at her. "I paid a pretty big price last time, ya know."

Lorelai nodded her understanding sadly. She wanted to touch him, hug him...kiss him. Do something to show that there didn't have to be a price. At least not a continuing one. But doing those things wasn't an option for her. Or for them.

He went on. "Elena asks me why we can't stay at my place, why we can't do things in Stars Hollow. And despite all this communication I'm trying to have, I don't have an answer for her. Not an acceptable one. Because the one I do have isn't one she wants or deserves to hear."

Lorelai looked down. "Care to share the answer?"

He clenched his fist momentarily. Went on as if she'd said nothing. "I just feel like I'm messing up. She's being patient. _Everyone _is always so patient with me. Until they can't be anymore." He felt her eyes turn to him. "And it's not right."

"Luke."

"She's so nice. And sweet."

Lorelai lifted her brows. Agreed with a small nod.

"She's incredibly trusting...and I'd never betray that."

"Of course you wouldn't," Lorelai agreed quietly.

"No..." He paused, took a breath. "...I wouldn't," he finished.

When he looked at her, they were eye to eye for a long moment. Luke's eyes traveled over her face, and it took all Lorelai could do not to melt into liquid when he smiled at her. That genuine smile that epitomized beauty and affection. She'd seen it many times. Long ago in a time when his love was shown in every kiss. When there were kisses.

"What does this sound like to you?" He asked quietly. His smile remained.

Lorelai snapped out of her reverie, mentally rewinding the last few moments of their conversation. Blinking in uncertainty, she answered, "Like you're talking yourself out of something. Or into something," she added quietly.

He lowered his gaze, small chuckles filling the air. "I figured you'd say something like that," he said.

Lorelai wondered if she was correct in her assumption. She swallowed lightly. "Am I right?"

"You're insightful. Always have been."

"But am I right?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, Lorelai. I hope you're not. Elena doesn't deserve that."

She nodded. "But if you found out that is what was happening...what would...what would you do?"

He looked at her. "You already know the answer to that."

She nodded again. She did know. He'd walk away. Not even try to move past it, hoping half of his commitment would be enough. Like she had done with Christopher.

"Are you in love with her?" She asked.

He closed his eyes briefly as he shook his head a little. "No," he said inaudibly.

Lorelai's hopes soared higher than they had since Luke had re-entered her life. Her eyes showed happiness, and she wanted to shout joyfully at the feeling that fell over her. But all she did was breathe a sigh of relief. It had been months that they had been around one another, recapturing much more than just a semblance of their friendship. And she'd never asked that question. Didn't care to hear the answer. She'd also never again asked about his feelings for her. She'd told Sookie that maybe Luke could fall for her again. Actually want her. Need her as she seemed to need him. She didn't see it happening, and it looked more like a fallacy every time she thought about it. But she knew that if they were meant for one another as she felt in her heart they were, nothing would prevent him from being back in that place. And happy about it.

She still looked to him after he'd answered her question. The following question came seconds later with great hesitation. "Are you in love...at all?"

He smiled at her. A cool, half smile that made it look as if he'd been expecting the question. There were many seconds where there were no words spoken. Lorelai looked at him unblinking, and he looked off to the side, his head turned toward her.

"Do you think we're doing this right? This friendship thing?" He asked slowly.

Lorelai appeared confused at the redirection. "What?"

"We were friends for 8 years, then we got together. Now we're friends. And I'm just wondering if we're doing this right."

Lorelai still looked thrown, but she focused on what he'd said. "Being friends?" She asked.

"Yeah. I mean, the stuff we do, the stuff we say, it's the same as it would have been 4 years ago, right? Nothing extra?"

Lorelai chuckled amusedly. Her mind still ran through the relevance. "Well, as far as I know, it's the same. I mean, I was horny when I went to bed last night and still horny when I got up this morning, so I don't _think _we're doing anything extra."

Luke shook his head slowly as he looked at her. "See, that's something you wouldn't have said to me back then."

Her eyes widened. "Uh, _yes _I would have."

"No, you wouldn't have. Not in the same way. You just implied that we would have...you know. That's different."

Lorelai chuckled again and rolled her eyes. "Luke, once you've been intimate with someone, things can't go completely back to the way they were. You know things about me that you didn't know back then. I would have never shared with you...my sexual appetite. But we've been together, so...you are _well aware_," she emphasized.

Luke's skin flushed.

She continued on, smiling at his embarrassment. "But overall, it's the same. _I _think. At least in the way we act towards each other." He nodded understandingly. "I mean, _feelings _are a little different," she added with a smile, "but other than that..." She shrugged.

Luke smiled in thought. "I guess we didn't do too many things differently after we got together."

"Nope. We were always friends first."

"Friends first," he repeated in agreement.

Lorelai glanced at him. "Lovers second." He only nodded. "Championship level," she added with a playful shoulder shove.

He blushed. "Let's not go there."

She smiled. "Why? I'm _serious_," she said. Her smile widened. "Hey, you remember when you used to--"

"Okaaaay," he said quickly. "Memory lane is officially blocked off."

Lorelai laughed. Luke smiled.

She looked at him and asked after a moment, "So, what brought on all of this?"

He shrugged. "Stuff seems kind of fuzzy sometimes." He pointed to the yard, the leaves. "And I wanted to make sure that this is the kind of stuff I did as your friend and not just stuff I did when I was--"

"My everything," she finished quietly. He looked at her. Lorelai saw his eyes travel low to her lips before he quickly blinked and looked away. She bit her bottom lip and took a breath. "Well," she began, "I think you're doing everything right. You were always sweet...and helpful. So, you would have raked," she said as she gestured toward the yard. "You would have been my Mr. fix-it," she said, fighting the urge not to take that comment somewhere else. "And...you would have...ya know, run off a perfectly good...date...as well," she finished tentatively.

He nodded, glanced at her. "Yeah."

She lifted her brows. "Feel better?" She asked, elbowing his side.

He smiled lazily. "Yeah, sure."

Lorelai exhaled heavily. "Good. Now, do you...care to answer _my _question?"

"About?"

She paused, grew a little shy. "Being in love with anyone."

"Nope," he answered.

Her eyes shifted. "No, y-you're not or no, you--"

"No, I don't care to answer it," he said lightly. He tapped the side of her leg as he saw her smile, both in irritation and amusement. "It's getting kind of late, so I better finish up." He stood up. "I brought an extra rake if you want to offer assistance in, ya know, raking _your _yard."

She leaned back on the step and looked at him for a moment. "I would, but I really want you to feel like you earned it," she said playfully.

He picked up the rake and frowned at her. "Earned _what_?"

"All the kudos you're going to get," she answered.

He rolled his eyes. "Wow. If you're lucky, I'll actually act like I care."

Lorelai smiled as she watched him begin to rake. "Yeah, let's see how lucky I get."

Luke didn't hear her. "What?"

She shook her head and pointed to a spot. "I said, don't forget to get behind you."

He glared at her until she started to laugh, then he went on working.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_September 16_

Lorelai came into the kitchen at the inn quickly and grabbed one of Sookie's pastries. "Hey, Sweets. Got sweets?" She asked holding up the breakfast tart. "Ha, get it?" Sookie shook her head. Lorelai smiled. "I see I'm going to have to call Jackson and tattle on you again, Sook," she said, referring to her presence at the inn. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh. My. God. Can I get a freaking baster over here?!" Sookie exclaimed toward her kitchen crew.

Lorelai's eyes widened. "Euuukay. Somebody's in a good mood this morning."

Sookie looked at her. "I've asked for the thing three times!"

One of the guys handed it to her. "That was actually your first time," he told her calmly.

Sookie snatched it and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You all should know when the basting stage is coming. You're not new at this."

Lorelai turned and winked at her kitchen crew, and the few who saw her, smiled appreciatively. They were all aware of the hormones that seemed to quadruple in Sookie's body every single hour. Her due date had passed, and still there was no baby. She was supposed to be at home resting. Not on her feet. And definitely not at work. This would make the third day in a row that Jackson would have to come and drag her back home.

Lorelai went over to the wall phone and called Jackson's cell. The conversation was brief.

"Hey, Jackson, stepped out for a minute?"

"Yeah, had to run to the store." He paused. "She's at the inn, isn't she?"

"In full effect, Hon."

"Be there in five."

Click.

Lorelai went over to Sookie. "You're so going to get it," she said playfully as she took a bite of her pastry.

Sookie sighed. "You're supposed to be my best friend. Why do you keep siding with Jackson?" She asked pitifully as she stepped away from the stove.

"This is for your own good, Sook. Your doctor, your husband, and _society _is telling you it's okay to be a couch potato right now. Or even better, a bed potato." She fanned her arms. "Take advantage!" She took another bite. "What do you want to hang around here for when you have that kind of lifestyle waiting for you?"

"Man, I'll be happy when I drop this sucker," she said as she took a seat on a stool.

"And hopefully, when that happens, you'll have come up with a better pet name."

"Yeah, we'll see how I feel." Sookie smiled, relaxed a bit in her seat. "Everything seems like it's in good hands today," she commented.

Lorelai smiled. "I know."

"So, you don't have that much to do around here."

"I'm aware," Lorelai said as she finished her pastry and went to pour herself a cup of coffee.

"So, you can head to Luke's pretty soon, then, right?" Sookie asked as Lorelai came back over, sipping her coffee.

Lorelai winked at her. "Why would I want to do that?"

"I don't know. Uh, maybe...possibly to get the scoop. Post-split," Sookie reminded with a smile.

"Oh, yeah," Lorelai said snapping her fingers. "Was that today?"

"Yeah, I can see how you forgot. You only kept me up until midnight on the phone talking about it."

Lorelai set her mug down and smiled goofily. "Must have slipped my mind."

Sookie held up a finger. "Remember what I told you, Lorelai. One may not have anything to do with the other. He told you he was going to talk to Elena last night, let her know how he felt. But that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. Just because he's breaking up with her, it doesn't mean he's doing it in order to move forward with you."

Lorelai's smile widened. "That's not what I'm thinking," she said unconvincingly.

Sookie smiled at her excitement. "I hope it does mean that, though," she admitted.

Lorelai shrugged. "Really? Because I'm kind of impartial."

They laughed.

Lorelai had told Sookie about the conversation that she and Luke had had a few days prior. About how he hadn't given her an answer when asked if he was in love. Sookie found that odd, and after hearing Lorelai deliberate on its possible meaning, she started to see that maybe Lorelai was right. Maybe...Luke...had managed to fall for her. Again.

Lorelai saw that as a possibility, but she also knew that that could very well _not _be the case. Either way, she thought it to be positive when Luke shared with her his plans to let Elena go. He didn't give her many details, but it seemed to her that he finally realized that maybe he _was _talking himself into or out of something. Just like she'd said. And continuing on under that reality wasn't an option for him.

Lorelai finished off most of her coffee. "Okay, Babe, Jackson's gonna be storming in here any minute now ranting, raving, complaining, turning all adorably red---and doing all of that _totally _out of love." Sookie nodded tiredly. Same song and dance. She figured that maybe she'd do them both a favor and just adhere to the doctor's orders for the rest of her term. Lorelai went on. "I've had a ringside seat to that for the past 2 days, so I'm going to give myself a break...and break out."

"Tell Luke _hi _for me, okay. It's been a while since I've seen him."

Lorelai had started walking toward the door. "Ugh. Why would you just _assume _I'm going to _Luke's _right now?"

Sookie laughed. "Because you are."

Lorelai stuck her tongue at her. "Well, I was," she admitted with laughter. "But now, I'm not. Being predictable is very passé. I'm heading into the future."

"Sooo, you're going...?"

"In about 10 minutes. I'm too impatient for the real future," she said over her shoulder.

Sookie waved her out of the door with a giggle.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

..._September 16_

Lorelai walked into the diner, pleased to find that most of the morning crowd had thinned. She didn't exactly want to deal with having to make small talk.

She came inside and headed over to the stools. Luke stood behind the counter, his back to the customers. Lorelai smiled. "_Why, is that the man of the hour_?" She asked with a southern drawl. She slid on a stool. "_I tell you, if I never got to_--"

Luke turned around at that moment, and Lorelai's mouth dropped open.

"Oh my god! What happened to your face?" She asked.

Upon turning, he was smiling slightly at Lorelai's monologue. At her sudden exclaim, he dropped the smile, remembering the large wound being covered by the bandage. He dismissively waved a hand.

"It's no big deal. Just a scratch."

Her eyes narrowed. "Luke, you have a bandage covering the whole left side of your face. What the hell happened?" She asked, growing more worried.

He rolled his eyes. "It's not covering the who--"

She exhaled with audibility. Pointed up. "What is that? A bird, a plane? No, it's my POINT...going _completely _unnoticed by you," She quipped quickly. Her true concern led her to ignore the look that he gave her. "How'd you get that?" She asked.

He sighed. Leaned on the counter tiredly. "It's nothing. Happened last night. It was an accident."

Remembering where he was supposed to be the night before, she asked, "Did Elena do that?"

"Well...kind of."

Lorelai's mouth opened again in shock. "What do you mean kind of? _She _did that? She hit you?" She asked, her voice growing louder.

"Can you _lower _your voice?" He asked looking around. A few heads had turned toward them, but with no follow-up from the two of them, they had continued on eating.

Lorelai looked around quickly, rolling her eyes in aggravation.

Luke continued. "I told you. It was an accident. I went over there and said what I needed to say to her. She did get a little upset, which I could completely understand."

"Oh my _god_!" He had leaned close to her so his voice wouldn't carry, and Lorelai moved her hand to his face, feeling a large swell under the protruding bandage. The surprise of what she felt caused the exclaim. She thought that the padding of the bandage was the reason for the hump.

"Lorelai, please," he said as he moved her hand down. She was making a much bigger deal that she needed to. She took her hand away and folded her arms tightly in anger. Luke gave her an exhausted look. "Calm down, and let me finish. It's nothing like what you're thinking."

She said nothing, just looked at him waiting for him to hurry up and explain why Elena shouldn't be disposed of.

Luke closed his eyes briefly. "Okay, like I said I went over there. We talked, and she got upset, but it wasn't like she got violent. She had been laying on the couch with a blanket. She went to move the blanket...I guess to try to keep her hands busy or something cause she was getting wiry. Anyway, I was standing on one end of the couch and from the other end, she snapped the throw blanket up. She had some...toenail clippers laying on them and when she did that, they kind of flew up and..." He gestured toward his face.

Lorelai was silent for a moment. "You expect me to believe some toenail clippers did that?"

"What, you think I'm lying?" He paused, waiting for an answer, but she didn't give one. He went on. "It left a long scratch here," he said pointing along the middle of the bandage, "And it kind of swell up after that."

She looked at him, thinking. "So, she didn't do that?"

"Technically she did. But...it wasn't on purpose."

Her eyes went narrow. "Did she at least apologize?"

Luke smiled. He didn't mean to, though. "Yeah, she apologized, Lorelai."

She rolled her eyes, more at the situation. Uncrossed her arms. With a sigh, she seemed to fizzle. "Are you okay?" She asked with sympathy.

"I'll be fine." He leaned up and touched the bandage. "I can do without all this town's nosy questioning, though."

"Are you including me in that?" She asked with a good-natured smile.

He rolled his eyes, smiled. "You'll never be bundled with the masses. Your nosy questioning I can deal with."

"Good. You should be nice and used to it by now anyway."

He nodded.

Lorelai finally relaxed. "Well, how'd everything go?" She asked as she pointed a finger at his coffee pot.

He turned and smiled. Grabbing it and her mug, he said, "It was a break-up. How do you think it went?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Did she take everything okay?"

He set her mug in front of her. "What do you mean?"

"Well, did she seem to truly accept everything or did she take on a pre-Fatal Attraction kind of acceptance? Ya know, after she _mistakenly_...almost took your eye out."

Luke shook his head. "She took everything fine. She's not crazy, Lorelai."

"So, it was amicable?"

"Yeah. Guess it was."

She drank from her mug. "And how are you doing?"

He shrugged. "Okay. Trying not to think about it too much."

Lorelai looked at him for a moment. She smiled, not sadly but definitely not with happiness. She could tell that he missed Elena. He was a guy, so she knew that wasn't something he'd just outright share. And there was an even lesser chance he'd share it with her. Not with him knowing how she felt about him.

She twirled her mug on the coffee counter. "Don't worry, Luke, it'll get better. Easier."

He looked at her in confusion, but as their eyes met, the look went away. His eyes softened. Moved over her features. He nodded and looked down.

Lorelai's eyes never left his face. "...unless, of course, you feel like you made a mistake in ending it with her."

He disagreed with a tiny shake of his head. "No...it was the right thing to do."

She nodded. "Okay." She diverted her gaze then brought it back. "It's good there are no regrets."

"Yeah, there's a bright side."

Lorelai bit her lip, looking at him thoughtfully. She knew that underestimating the feelings that he had had for Elena would be a mistake. A mistake that her ex-husband had so _thoroughly_ made with her. And she knew better than to follow suit. He needed time. And she had _no idea _how he even felt about them getting back together. But there _was _a possibility, and she felt the need to assure him that she would not take advantage of the situation. By selfishly pouncing. Finally, there was a smile from her. She leaned in. "Now, Luke, I know how break-ups feel. That rush of emotions. Believe it or not, I've been through it."

He smiled a little, looked down. "You don't say."

"Yeah. You can make some pretty bad mistakes if you're not careful," she said, nearly losing her playful tone. She swallowed, picked it up and smiled more. "Now, I know I'm hot," she said simply.

Luke tried only to shake his head unaffectedly. Instead, he laughed. Got control and tried unsuccessfully to rope in his amusement.

Lorelai smiled greatly at his reaction. Continued on before the moment was lost. "And despite your desire to have your way with me during this time of woe..." She paused, waited until his smile widened, then continued with a sexy wink, "...I'm not going to have relations with you, Luke." She smiled. "Not unless you do that thing that you know drives me crazy." She had moved in more. Whispered. She sat back, let her voice return to normal. "Then, all bets are off."

Luke's amusement seemed to fill out. He cleared his throat. Looked around, grateful no one had been able to hear her. "Let me get back to work," he said unable to drop his smile. He moved away some. "You come in, and it's like I forget I have a diner to run."

She followed him with her eyes. "I told you I know how hot I am. I make you lose your train of thought, huh?"

He rolled his eyes, grabbed the plate that had just come up. "And _money_," he said pointedly. She laughed.

She watched him move around the counter. His eyes were on her.

When she couldn't look at him anymore without turning on her stool and possibly breaking her neck being obvious, her attention went back to her mug.

She smiled as she drank.

Butterflies filled her stomach.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

_November 4_

Lorelai grabbed her car keys and turned off the light in her foyer. She opened her front door at that moment. Her steps slowed over the threshold, and she smiled. Luke was coming up the walkway.

"Well. To what do I owe this surprise?" She asked.

Luke hadn't seen her come out, and he stopped and looked up when she spoke. "Oh. Hey." Lorelai came fully out onto the porch, not closing her door entirely. Luke's eyes moved down her body. "You're dressed," he commented moving his gaze to her face.

Lorelai chuckled, winked. "Would you like for me not to be?"

Luke rolled his eyes and finished his journey to the porch. "No, I mean you're heading out somewhere."

She nodded. "Yeah." She gave him a sideways look. "And…you're heading…here?" She asked slowly with a smile.

"Yeah, well, I was, but you're leaving…so it's no big deal. I can just—"

"No, it's fine. What's up?"

He was quiet for a moment. "Are you going _out_?"

"I am." She paused. "…but not like a date," she answered watching him. She saw him relax a little, and that made her smile. "I'm actually going to Sookie's house. Just to spend some time with her and the baby."

Luke nodded. "Yeah, the baby," he said in remembrance. Sookie had had a little girl. "How is she doing?" He asked.

"She's a little sleep-deprived. But she's doing okay."

"That's good." He took a breath. "Look, I'm not gonna hold you up here," he said gesturing toward her. "You can go. I'll just see you tomorrow."

She came to the steps. "Well, did you need something?"

He shook his head. "No, I didn't. I probably should have called first anyway. But I'm okay, it's nothing important or anything."

She smiled. "Okay, let's do a little role play." Coming to stand at the bottom of the steps where he stood, she spoke. "Let's say you came here, knocked on the door, I opened the door looking stunning, of course but completely settled in for the night. I saw you and said _'hey, Luke, Babe, how are you?' _You say, _'I'm fine, Beautiful, and yourself?' _I say,_ 'I'm just wonderful' _You say,_ 'That's good. That's good'_." Luke smiled. She continued.

"I say, _'So, what brings you here?'_ And then you answer with...?" She pointed toward him for him to finish.

He rolled his eyes. "I was just wondering if you wanted to head over to Black, White, and Read." He shrugged. "I was gonna go, so I thought maybe you'd want to go too."

Lorelai smiled slowly. "You're going to the movies? Like on your own?" She asked shocked.

He smiled at her reaction. "Call it boredom."

"Wow," she said. "Guess I rubbed off on you pretty well, huh?"

"Guess so," he said looking down. "But forget about it. You're on your way out. So, I can just…leave. I'll go alone or…go back to the diner. Give Caesar a hand."

She backed up a little and leaned on the railing. "Well, it's just as well. I don't really feel like going out to the movies anyway," she said with a shrug.

He looked at her. _'Damn,'_ he thought. _'So much for my feelings.' _"Well, okay," he said. He really hadn't expected such a frank dismissal.

Lorelai looked at him and smiled, able to hear everything that he wasn't saying. "I _would_ be willing to stay in, though."

"By yourself or…?" He asked confusedly.

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Well, if that was the case, I may as well just go and be with Sookie."

"Okay. So…you just want to hang out here?"

She nodded. "Sounds good to me. I just rented some DVDs, so if you want to come in, we can make a night of it."

He looked down at her purse and keys. "What about Sookie?"

"I've been over her house constantly for the past month," she said with playful exhaustion. "I'm sure she can do without me for one night." She'd been spending much of her free time there since Sookie had given birth in late September. "I'll just give her a call letting her know."

She lifted her brows. "So, what do you say?"

He nodded, stuck his hands in his pockets. "Yeah. Sounds like a plan."

Lorelai smiled. With one sweeping hand movement, she allowed him to lead the way back into her house.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

..._November 4_

"Nice."

Lorelai laughed. "What?" She asked looking down at her clothes.

Luke shook his head, chuckling. "Nothing. I just said 'nice'."

"You were making fun of me," she said as she went and sat back on the sofa where Luke was sitting comfortably.

"No, I wasn't. I was simply admiring the many holes that are at the bottom of that T-shirt that apparently, you are _still_ wearing."

She laughed and grabbed the bottom of the shirt. "They're just tiny holes," she commented pitifully. She looked at him. "Besides, I love this shirt."

Luke nodded. "I know," he said looking at the movie that played.

She smiled, looking at his profile. "I bet you missed seeing me in this, didn't you?"

Luke nodded dramatically, not bothering to look at her. "Definitely. Some people used ice cold water to lower their sail. I had you in that shirt."

She laughed. "What. Ever," she finally said with an eye roll.

Luke laughed, still looking at the screen.

They both knew he was kidding. One thing Lorelai really used to appreciate about being with Luke was the freedom she felt. She never felt the need to put on make-up or wear sexy things. It was always fully appreciated whenever she did put in that extra effort, but Luke's affection and attention were never lessened when she didn't. On more nights than she could remember, she would settle against him in that shirt, and he'd make fun of it and _her _by extension. And all the while, he'd be hugging her close and kissing her while his fingers rubbed areas of her body soothingly. And she'd _melt _into the feeling. Into him.

This was a T-shirt that she had had years before he and she had gotten together. Just a regular shirt that had probably come free from some function she'd attended. And had somehow become her favorite. Rory knew it very well. Had it seen it countless times on her. But when Lorelai was in a relationship, the shirt always seemed to get replaced with pretty, fitting garments. It was something that happened without conscious thought.

It had been a while since she had worn the shirt.

There were times when she was with Christopher that the desire to slip it on was high. And she never understood why, even with that high desire, she never felt comfortable enough to put it on. So, she'd settle for another T-shirt. One just as big. But with no holes. No faded colors and stretched out fabric. No character.

And she'd settle against him and try to find that same contentment that she had once felt. She'd do this in the shirt with no character. Pushing aside the thoughts that didn't coincide with the effort. The thoughts that brought way too many questions and bombarding realizations.

Luke still looked at the television. He reached a hand to the blanket that Lorelai had on the back of the sofa. Still without looking at her, he tossed the blanket over her and her cherished shirt, causing her to laugh.

"Don't try to cover up my pride and joy, Luke. Are you crazy?"

He shook his head and finally looked at her. "What is the original color of that thing anyway?"

Lorelai looked down at it. Narrowed her eyes in confusion, and she missed Luke's soft laughter. She looked back up at him. "I want to say...purple?" She answered with doubt.

He rolled his eyes. "Ah, jeez," he muttered. She laughed. "That is just _shameful_," he added. She chuckled giddily.

Lorelai put her feet on the couch in front of her and pulled the T-shirt up and over her knees. She sighed and looked over at him. "I like this. This is nice."

He began to turn his head toward her, his eyes still on the television. Finally, he looked at her. "What is? This?" He asked motioning to their surroundings.

She smiled, nodded hugely.

"Yeah. Guess it is," he agreed, smiling at her reaction.

Luke looked back at the TV. Several moments passed.

Lorelai reached a hand out and slapped his arm to get his attention once again. The stinging hit caused him to look at her with a frown. She laughed.

"Hey, you remember our first movie night?"

He sunk down deeper in the couch cushions as he relaxed further. "Of course," he answered.

"Wasn't that fun?"

"Yeah, it was very joyous," he answered flatly.

She smiled. "I remember when you made that comment about knowing when someone is right for you from a feeling that you get."

"I said that?" He asked pointing to himself.

Lorelai gave him a look and he smiled. "Don't play with me, Danes."

"Sorry."

"Anyway," she continued. "I didn't know it at the time, but I guess..._I _gave you that feeling, huh?" She asked smiling widely.

He chuckled lazily. Glanced at her. "I suppose this is you flattering yourself."

"You suppose correctly," she answered.

He shook his head against the pillows playfully. "You're a special kind of person, you know that?" He asked lightly.

"No doubt."

Luke looked up at the ceiling and laughed.

Lorelai looked at him. Bit her lip. "Do you, uh, still feel comfortable around me?"

She saw his lips turn up. He paused. "Are you still the same person you were four years ago?"

Her eyes shifted slightly in confusion. "Yeah," she answered.

He continued to look upward. Smiled. "Look at you answering your own question. I'm proud of you."

She smiled. "I'm so glad that after all we've been through, we are where we are."

"Me too," he said genuinely.

"That's gotta be saying something."

"Are you hearing anything?" He asked looking at her.

One eyebrow rose amusedly as she looked down. "I'm hearing a lot."

He smiled, looked back at the TV. "Yeah, it's saying something," he admitted.

Lorelai turned her eyes on him again. Took in his comfortable sitting position. His shoes were off, and his legs stretched under the coffee table as his arms lay folded over his stomach. She saw him smile as he continued to look at the movie. "Stop looking at me," he said without turning to her.

Deja vu.

But this time, her reason for doing it was _very _different.

"I'm not looking at you," she said, not turning away.

He shook his head. Turned slowly toward her, and she smiled when their eyes met. "Yeah, I guess you're right. My mistake," he said blandly.

"You're forgiven."

He pointed a finger at the movie. "Watch the movie, Lorelai. You did rent the thing."

She sighed. "Yeah, you're right," she replied as she followed his finger. She took her knees from under the shirt and covered herself with the blanket. "Scootch," she said, waving him further along the couch.

"Oh my god," he muttered in complaint as he moved all the way to the arm of the sofa.

Lorelai smiled. "Thank you," she said before laying her body down on the couch cushions, her legs bent near him and her head on the other end.

Luke settled back into his comfortable position, then sighed. About five seconds passed. Lorelai picked up the remote control, but Luke didn't see her do this. She found the button she was looking for, then held it out to the TV.

"I'm surprised you're not rewin--ah, there we go. Never mind," he said as he watched the movie start to rewind.

He rolled his eyes.

Lorelai smiled.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

..._November 4_

It was a little after midnight when the second movie came to an end.

Luke leaned up as the credits started to roll. He grunted a little at the stiffness of his muscles. Lorelai had been silent for quite some time, and when he looked toward the other end of the sofa, he found her asleep.

He slid from the couch quietly, trying his best not to wake her. Once standing, he retrieved the remote from the floor where Lorelai had dropped it. Luke stopped the movie and fumbled with the remote's buttons in the dark. Lorelai went in to work at various times, and while he didn't know the time she had to be in the next day, he did know she was due in. He set the television timer to the earliest time--the time she woke up when she went in at eight.

He flipped to a music channel, turned up the volume then quickly turned the television off before she heard it and woke up. There was only dim lighting from the stove light in the kitchen. He put his hat on, grabbed his wallet and keys from the coffee table and put them in his pocket, coming to stand beside Lorelai. She looked angelic. He arranged her blanket so it covered her fully then he knelt near her and looked into her face for a few moments.

His hand moved to her temple, and he brushed hair away from her face.

Luke was hesitant in doing this. Had thoughts telling him why he shouldn't.

But looking at her, he simply could not help himself.

His fingers lingered. In her hair. As he basked in the softness. The texture of her hair was always something he'd loved.

Movement of his fingers slowed in her curls, and his thumb came out and softly rubbed the hair near her temple.

Lorelai breathed quietly, but Luke could tell when her breath halted at the intake. He stilled. Knew better than to pull away because he'd already been caught.

Her eyes opened slowly. And she focused them directly on him.

Luke's eyes went to where his hand was still in her hair, and he smiled as he looked back into her face. "Hey," he whispered with amusement.

She smiled some. Her eyes were glued to his. "Hey," she barely whispered back.

His smile widened. He felt incredibly stupid in that moment. He opened his mouth to speak and ended up laughing slightly at the feeling. He shook his head and tried again, this time with success. "I'm sorry about this."

Lorelai's hand came to lie on his forearm. On the arm he had extended toward her. "It's okay," she said softly.

Luke felt heat surge his body as she started to lightly move her hand back and forth. Down to his wrist and back up to where his flannel was rolled.

He looked at her hand. Then back in her eyes as he slowly pulled his arm away.

Lorelai looked down, lowered her hand back to the couch. She put on a smile and looked back at him. He still kneeled. "You're about to take off?" She asked, giving no indication of how she felt inside. The dejection remained concealed as she looked at him.

He nodded awkwardly. "Yeah, I am."

"Okay." She tried to think of something positive, light, and/or witty to say, but nothing came out but that one word.

Luke moved fully onto his knees. Lorelai saw him nearing her, but it was so subtle that it was still a surprise when she felt his lips meet hers.

She reacted instantly.

Her hand went to his shoulder, slid to his neck as she parted her lips and allowed him instantly to deepen the kiss. Luke leaned into her as his hand went to her midsection and he rubbed tenderly through the blanket.

Lorelai moved to lay on her back, invitingLuke to move from the floor to the couch. Onto her.

But instead, as she did this, he pulled away. Lorelai's eyes opened, and she breathed heavily. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, his breaths matching hers. "Nothing," he answered. "I just--I have to go."

Lorelai's eyes widened at him. "You're kidding, right?"

He licked his lips. Shook his head again. "No, I'm not. I have to go. I'm sorry."

She sat up quickly and flipped on the lamp. "You're leaving?" She asked shocked.

Luke nearly cowered from the look that she wore. She looked pissed. And hurt. And both feelings seemed to grow with each passing second.

"Well, yeah, because I--"

She held up a hand, stopping him. She took a second and composed herself before speaking. "Why did you _do _that?"

He looked off to the side as if he hadn't understood her. He said nothing, and Lorelai felt that painful lump begin to travel up her throat. He rolled his eyes a little with a sigh, and he started to say something, but Lorelai cut him off.

"Why in the hell would you do that, Luke?" She looked upward and shook her head, but despite her desire to head them off, tears filled her eyes as she looked back to him. Her voice wavered as she continued. "God, you _know _I feel about you." Her hands balled into fists. "You know how I fucking feel about you!" she yelled. "You can't just do stuff like that because you feel like it then call it a mistake." Tears came from her eyes. A sob slipped past her lips, and she put a hand to her face as she placed her feet on the floor and stood. "Just get out," she said quietly.

She walked around the other end of the coffee table, opposite of where he was. Luke stood quickly and went to stand in front of her before she made it to the stairs. He looked down at her, his brows knitted in worry.

She stopped and looked up at him. "Can you move?" She asked.

"No," he said simply.

Lorelai had plenty of room to walk around him and continue up the stairs. But there, she stood. "Luke. Please. Move."

"I said no."

Lorelai closed her eyes. "Please."

Luke swallowed the emotion he felt. Moved past her heart ache which always became his with great ease. He waited until he saw her sad eyes re-open. Then, he reached a hand to her hip.

She stepped away.

He walked closer to her, and she didn't move. Just stared into his face with an unreadable expression. He touched her again with hesitance, and it looked as if she made a move to step back, but her body didn't want to fully cooperate.

"Did you hear me say it was a mistake?" Luke asked as he touched her side with more commitment.

"Yes," she answered quickly on a shaky voice.

He placed his other hand on her opposite hip, and he allowed his fingers to lightly squeeze her as he looked into her face. "Did you?" He asked calmly.

Lorelai was silent as she looked up at him.

Her breathing rose, and her defenses steadily fell. "You said you had to go," she said, several tears falling onto her cheeks. "You kissed me," she said unsteadily, "then said you had to go." She fought the desire to react to his hands on her body. "That sounds like a mistake to me."

Luke slowly moved into her.

"Luke," she whispered.

His arms slid around her waist fully as he pressed his pelvis directly against hers. She closed her eyes.

"You still want me to leave?"

She opened her lids slowly and looked up at him. She said nothing, only looked.

His eyes moved between hers. "You drive me so crazy," he began. "The way you smell. The way you walk, talk, dress, smile, laugh. Your eyes." He shrugged. "_Your hair_. The way you carry yourself, the way you love. Your compassion, your strength. The way you aren't afraid to be yourself. Just your _entire nature_. Drives me crazy."

Lorelai's eyes looked deeply into his, vulnerability apparent in her features. Her voice. "Well, you drive me crazy too," she said in a small voice. Her hands slid up his arms, and she slowly rose on her toes while watching him intently. She knew she wouldn't be able to take any rejection of this movement, but still, she put herself out there. Her lips touched his. And he didn't pull away. His fingers spread on her lower back, and he caressed with subtlety. She wrapped her arms tightly around him with that. And Lorelai slowly intiated a deep kiss.

She began this, but Luke needed no help keeping up. When they had begun to date, Lorelai surprised him with her minimal _need _of actual foreplay. At least with him. She could not get him to understand what kissing him did to her. He'd only laugh and do as she asked by not starting anything additional. Sometimes. Other times, more often than not, he'd go there anyway. Simply because he wanted to.

They continued on with this long, passionate kiss. The need for oxygen went ignored.

Until they had no choice but to break apart. So, that end was reached with reluctance.

Lorelai's eyes remained closed as she dropped her forehead to his chest. "I really missed that," she whispered.

He nodded his head over her.

Her arms came unlinked from his neck, and she rubbed across his neck and shoulders as her forehead stayed against him. "I want you to love me, Luke."

"Like you love me?"

She shook her head at the emotion she felt. "_God_." Her hands squeezed his shoulders. "Like I love you," she confirmed quietly.

"Did you hear what I said before?"

"About what?" She whispered in distraction of her thoughts.

He leaned his upper body back causing her to lift her head. Her cloudy blue eyes went to his. "What do you mean 'about what'? You don't remember all that stuff I said?" He asked.

"About me? Of course I do," she answered calmly. "It was very sweet."

He frowned. "Sweet? I don't give a damn about being _sweet_. Did you not get anything else from that?" He stepped back from her. "I made it pretty clear."

Lorelai looked at his face, his chest, missing fiercely, his body contact. "Made what clear, Luke?" She asked.

His hands went out to either side of his body. "My love for you."

Her eyes went wide, and she spent seconds just looking at him. "You love me?"

"That's what I said. What did you think 'drive me crazy' meant?" He asked in annoyance.

She heard his question, but whatever answer swam around in her thoughts drowned due to the magnitude of his revelation. "You love me?" She asked again.

He took a breath and calmed himself. Shook his head. "You know, I didn't think I _had _to say it given how well you seem to still know me."

Lorelai took a step toward him. "Well, you do." She paused while staring at him. "Please say it."

He looked at her for a moment before smiling. "I love you in every way you could possibly love somebody, Lorelai." He smiled wider at her sudden grin. "Everything about you..." he said as he pointed at her quickly. "Even that ugly eyesore you call a T-shirt." She walked nearer to him as she looked at him meaningfully. "And I'm sorry about before. I just thought I needed to let you know that before anything happened. And it wasn't the time to tell you, so I just--"

"Chose to kiss and run," she finished.

"Yeah, it seemed like a good idea at the time," he answered with a slow smile.

Lorelai walked into his arms, pressing herself flush against him as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "And how do you feel about being in this place?"

"In love with you?"

She smiled suddenly at hearing that. "Yeah. Are you happy about it?"

He looked into her eyes. "It's the most natural feeling in the world. How could I not be happy about that?"

Lorelai's entire face seemed to glow. "You love me. You're _in _love with me," she said aloud. She looked at him. "There's a difference, ya know."

He nodded. "I do. A big difference. One that we don't have to worry about," he added with a serious gaze.

She smiled widely.

Luke continued. "We're going to do this right this time."

She nodded adamantly at his statement. "I hope so."

"I know so," he corrected instantly. There was a small silence as their eyes stayed locked. "I know for a fact that I can not and _will not _go through this again with you. It hurts too much."

"I definitely agree," she commented quietly.

Luke looked at her considerately. "Talk to me, Lorelai. Always. Don't ever feel like you can't."

"That goes for you too."

"I know. It does. And I'm not going to forget that."

"Neither will I."

Luke shook his head. "You talk all the time. Made me comfortable enough to open up about stuff I'd never told _anyone_, and ultimately, our biggest problem was a lack of communication."

She smiled at the irony. "Well, it won't happen again."

"You're damn right it won't," he agreed in insistence.

They stared at one another. Lorelai's arms loosened around his waist, and she slowly lifted his flannel a little before sliding her hands into his back pockets. He smiled as he felt her applying pressure on his bottom. This caused him to press into more.

"So this is the part where we go upstairs and ravish each other, right?"

He chuckled. "Unless that's too cliché. We can always deviate."

"By doing it right here instead?" She asked with wide eyes.

Luke laughed. He brought her closer. "No, but..." His mouth went to her temple. "I can maybe set something up at my place." He moved his kisses down her face to below her ear. "Cook for you. Set up a nice, sappy candlelit scene." Her lobe went between his teeth. "Make it special."

One of her hands had come up and started caressing his neck as he did this. She swallowed, eyes closed. "We never needed all of that to make anything special. You know that." Flashbacks of their passion flooded her mind. She pulled away from his beautiful lips and looked at him. "That's sweet, Luke, but it's really unnecessary and it's putting off being with you. I don't want to do that."

Luke disengaged fully and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. He put one hand on her hip and moved his body to the back of hers. He wrapped an arm around her waist from behind. "Lead the way," he whispered into her ear.

Lorelai smiled and linked her fingers with his. They moved toward the staircase.

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Luke moved to lay on her. Skin on skin, they were. Nothing lay between but heat.

He kissed her passionately as Lorelai drug her nails through his hair.

Her legs were spread wide around him, and he moved himself against her gingerly. His hand roamed her side. Her silky smooth skin served only to arouse him more. And his tongue steadily danced with hers as their breathing rose to new heights.

His mouth separated from hers. He saw and felt her desire reaching levels that kisses--not even his kisses--could fill.

She grinded up against his pubic bone.

He kissed the area just above her breasts. "I don't have anything," he whispered to her. He hadn't exactly thought to stick a condom in his pocket. "Do you?"

Lorelai's breaths came through her open mouth. She opened her eyes, getting her thoughts back. Her eyes turned to her nightstand, then back to him. "Just the regular ones," she answered with a head shake.

She and Luke had, in the past, busted many a condom trying to use the _regular _ones.

Finally, Lorelai had just thrown out her old stash and had stocked up with ones that would accomodate him.

But those left the house with all of his other belongings when they broke up.

Her slow grind did not cease.

"Are you on the pill?" He asked as he rubbed the curls at her hairline. She hadn't bothered with the pill when they were together, but Luke didn't know what method she'd used while they were apart.

She shook her head. "Went off in February."

He nodded. Looked at his hand gently moving along her face.

"What do we do?" He asked.

"I don't know, you want to stop?"

His eyebrows lifted in amusement as he continued to watch his hand movement. "No. Do you want to?"

"No," she quietly replied in a knowing tone. Her hand moved to his and she softly stilled his movement so that he'd look at her. He did.

"So...you want to do it?" He asked.

She smiled. "Possibly until I can't think straight."

He paused, took a moment to think as he looked at her. Then, he smiled. "I think I can do that," he answered playfully.

"I _know _you can."

Luke blushed as he leaned down and kissed her tenderly.

They both, of course, knew the chances they were taking. Not with health risks. Even though they'd both been with someone else, health was never to be a problem. Frequent doctor visits were made by them both. Dating in the new millenium made such a precaution necessary, and they'd both grown accustomed.

They were, instead, aware of other chances being taken. The one that gave you thirty-six weeks to prepare and eighteen to twenty-two years to let it marinate.

Not that either wanted that to happen, necessarily.

There were, after all, things that should come first.

Lorelai didn't exactly know how her life was going to play itself out. That wasn't clear. But one thing that she now knew was that Luke was back in her life. The way she wanted him to be.

Everybody needed a constant. And he was, once again, hers.

For the first time in a very long time, Lorelai saw the middle that had somehow managed to cloud. The middle she'd tried to formulate. Recreate. But couldn't. The picture she saw had changed a little, though. It wasn't clear whether there were children there. Other than April and Rory. The fogginess was just starting to lift, and she wasn't sure. But what she did see was a love that was strong. Even stronger than before because it had come with tribulation. It had substance and a bond that would not be broken.

And for now, that's all she needed to know.

Lorelai lay kissing Luke on an endless sea of feeling. Her eyes opened slowly as he pulled back and placed himself in position over her.

Their eyes met.

"I love you," he whispered.

Lorelai smiled. Held off tears in an effort to keep from turning the moment into a sob fest. "Me too," she managed.

He smiled as he looked at her. "You'll know that everyday, Lorelai." He thought back to how she'd questioned that love one time. One time too many. "I promise," he added.

She nodded, trying her best to hold in emotion. She laughed slightly at the response she couldn't stop from coming. "Thank you."

He laughed quietly as he watched her. "_You're welcome_," he said mockingly.

Her smile spread to the ends of forever. And with Luke's kiss, she focused on the reason for it.

Luke reached a hand between them and slowly moved himself up and down her center causing the playful side of her happiness to disintegrate.

She moved her lower half, causing him to slip in. He brought his elbows to her sides and kissed her deeply as he pushed slowly the rest of the way. When fully in, he lifted his head to look at her. She looked back at him, and she was tranquil. Her breathing was labored, but save for that, she was in a state of peace.

She shut her eyes for a second, then looked back at him with gorgeous dark eyes. "Don't hold back, okay?" She whispered.

He smiled. "Same thing goes for you."

"It's been over a year, Luke. I couldn't even if I wanted to."

Lorelai began to rock her hips into him. He swallowed as his breathing picked up. "Okay, then. Let's make it count."

She whimpered at the feeling of him inside her. Her controlled breathing was starting to break free. "After you," she said playfully.

Luke captured her lips and led the way.

Straight down the road to their middle.

**-The End-**

_This was me stepping off course a little bit, but it's just something that wouldn't get out of my head. So, I typed it. Just the part that wouldn't get out. Then the problem came of how to wrap it up neatly so the pretty little bow I wanted to use would fit well on it. _

_I'm really curious what u guys think. Especially my ride or die javajunkies, lol. Please share your thoughts. Thanks. _

_-------------And Happy New Year to everyone reading this!!! I hope you guys have a fantastic 2008!-------------_


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